HELLO
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Friday, March 30, 2007 KENDRA IS OFFICIALLY DRAINED OUT.
and i have resorted to eating. haha. no la. i was just feeling hungry after every 3 - 4 hours today..which was pretty abnormal. Goodness, hope that it wouldn't continue.. i don't want to grow fat!
anyway, have been really really drained out by school for this whole week. I felt like 2 weeks passed at a time. It has been an emotional + mental roller coaster. There was a sudden pile of work to be done on one particular day and there was suddenly so much going on. It was really stressful. Well, after completing all of them, I've got NO WORK LEFT FOR THE WEEKENDS! (sort of) heh. Hurray!
What i really wanna do now is to just slack and sleep for 10 hours (if possible.. :/) and heck care about what is happening in the world. hahahaha.
thank You Lord for guiding me through. i know that You have heard me every morning... thank You.
21:20
*kendra :D
******
ON THE 16th MARCH, 2007... we went to serangoon central... chinatown... Ang Mo Kio.. and celebrated Matthew's birthday... Orchard... and Little India..
Sounds like some outing huh.. hahaha. it was... sort of...
21:14
*kendra :D
******
Tuesday, March 27, 2007 It is indeed a long day.
why isit that you always have to come ask me questions when i'm stressed out with the assignments that i've got to complete? There are other people out there you can ask. If those minutes are not comprehensible, go and ask the one who wrote the minutes.
why isit that )$%*72'350138571308!#$#^%%^3543p9u6$*%^@9345802395P@^*$)@ ??
and why isit that... nevermind.forget it.
Right. and i did the wrong exercise for Math holiday assignment. Right. i had cldds till 6 today having only 2 non-thorough practices. Right. i'm broke. right. right. right.
oh. i was nominated as prefect again today. i've decided that i do not want to be one. i'd be telling Ms Lau tomorrow that. sorry Vicky/Gracie... thanks for nominating.
20:55
*kendra :D
******
Monday, March 26, 2007
Have been hearing people going "oh my god!" nowadays and it really irritates me.
We are all taught to not use God's name in vain. Especially not as a swear word or something... So why are we hearing it all over in a Christian Mission School? I've been keeping it in, not wanting to tell those hypocrites (who call themselves Christians) off. However, they're getting so comfortable with it that they can say it repeatedly 3,4 times in 5 seconds. urgh.
Sometimes, i really wonder what i can do. Let them say it since it's from their own mouth? Or, for preventing myself for being uncomfortable with it, tell them to stop?
those tears rolled just like how it rained this morning. uncontrolled. maybe it's those monday blues... life will get better.
20:24
*kendra :D
******
Saturday, March 24, 2007 " and i can't do anything about it... i can't do anything..."
I haven't been sleeping well nowadays. Actually, for the past few months. I remember having sleeping disorder. it sucks. I wake up 1/2 hour after i fall asleep everynight and have difficulty falling back to sleep after that. Now, i only get about 6 hours of sleep or less each day. It may be more than a few of you, but it's really making my temper get bad and my energy level to drop. Gah. Can somebody just knock my head and let me die or something? Not enough sleep contributes to my distracted-ness, my bad temper-ness and etc. gah.
it's funny. i thought i've got out of that low low point of the graph already. but all of a sudden. TA DA. i'm back again. It just seems like there're always problems for me to solve everyday.
Oh well, life still rocks! it's just that I suck :D
Thursday, March 22, 2007 I was watching a flash movie at www.donghaeng.net about faith. The guy was on some mountain or rock or something, and the rocks were chipping off, he's going to die anyway if he doesn't get away from that mountain or rock or something. He prayed to God, asking for help. God told him to jump. jump so that he can get to the other side. He was afraid... the gap between the mountain or rock or something between the other side was too big. He didn't dare to jump. God said again, "jump". He then took up the courage and jumped.
He did jump into the gap. However, he landed. He landed on a shorter mountain or rock or something, that had a staircase leading to the other side.
This then reminded me of when we did trust fall during Leader's Retreat. I was the only one who struggled emotionally... I did not have faith. My brothers and sisters in Christ were all ready to catch me. Yet i struggled. I didn't have faith. "what if i'm too heavy for them to catch?" "what if they suddenly let go because of some particular reason?" "what if...? what if...?" However, after awhile, i "fell". The emotions within was mixed, my mind at that moment went blank. "I 'fell' already?"
Then, i thought about how much Faith i had in God. I knew my brothers and sisters are there ready to support me, yet i didn't dare. Was it the same for me when it came to trusting in God? Have I been asking God for help yet not believing that He has another way of helping me?
This reminded me once again to put all my Faith and trust in Him. Human beings may let go, may not be able to catch me. But I know He will. He always will.
20:43
*kendra :D
******
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 I thought about friendship once again today and i feel guilty for not being a good friend to others. I thought of those whom i got really close to and just because of some things, that relationship broke. I thought of those whom i enjoyed talking to last time, but they suddenly disappeared. It just seemed like there's a wall between us or something.
I thought of you. My sms-buddy. haha. I thought we would remain as good friends "forever". however, that "forever" only lasted for 3+years. I remembered those sweet little things you said, those prayers you prayed for me when i feared school, those few phone calls that we made to each other. I remembered you complaining about her not treasuring your friendship. However, thinking back now, haven't you done that to me too? I don't know what separated us. I can't remember the last message we sent to each other... I tried to understand. You are busy with O'levels.... But O'levels have ended already. what happened? haha. thinking about it, i've been pretty naive, thinking that you still treasure me as you said you did. Well, maybe you still do...but i don't feel it anymore.
Well, maybe it's true. Some friends stay for a reason, season and lifetime. Am I one of them? Remaining in somebody's life for just one reason, just one season...? I'm not trying to be emo here or anything. It's just some thoughts.
Samuel Yee! Remember that you're always a treasured friend to me! (eh! it rhymes! haha!)
22:13
*kendra :D
******
Many classes had changes in seating arrangements. So did 3M. From sitting in the centre of the class, i'm now at the back of the class, a table away from the door. haha. I'm really, really contented with my seat now. I'm sitting between Cheryl and Val foo now. Well, we had a priviledge of choosing the person whom we want to sit near to... so cheryl and i chose each other. haha. As for Val Foo, she wasn't as happy... she chose Steph..but. HAHA. Stephanie is sitting right at the other corner of the class, right in front. -_- oh well. but, i really miss Grace. haha. We're both sitting at the back row of the class, but at the 2 corners.
Anyway, we had PT for PE on Tuesday.. oh man. Now everybody has some parts of the body muscles aching. hahaha. We ran 4 rounds, sprint 2 rounds, and did all the crazy strenghtening exercises. Mine's my legs and waists... I take like forever to walk around now. hahaha. and we're going to have it for 3 more weeks. God help me persevere!
sometimes, it really irritates me that you're so understanding. too understanding. rah. why are you so nice? too nice... too nice.
21:57
*kendra :D
******
Tuesday, March 20, 2007 Leaders' Retreat '07! doing disc profiling (again) "steady... " ehem. gay. ehem. TRUST FALL
No more chocolates - be it dark or milk or white (i don't eat white chocolate actually)
No more fast foods - DO NOT SUGGEST KFC FOR LUNCH ON WEEKENDS
No more junk food
No more fried food
More fruits and vegetables each day
Less meat
GO JOGGING
Start dating Si Hui for badminton! (haha! sihui, please be free!)
Walk home everyday... ...?
GO WINDOW SHOPPING
haha. alright. i don't really know if window shopping will help me lose weight or something. but nevermind. haha. I need to go on a healthy diet too... So, please do not try to tempt me into eating all those junk. I have already set my mind on losing weight!
16:06
*kendra :D
******
Sunday, March 18, 2007 I love You Lord, greater than anything I love You Lord, more than my heart could sing I love You Lord, more than i love myself I love You Lord, I love You Lord, I love You Lord.
I worship You, high above everything I worship You, with all that my heart could sing I worship You, oh let my life give praise I worship You, I worship You, I worship You
I lift my hands, I am a sacrifice I lift my hands, my body and soul a prize I lift my hands, all that i have is Yours I lift my hands, I lift my hands, I lift my hands
Hallelujah, This is my song of praise Hallelujah, I'll worship You all my days Hallelujah, all that I am is Yours Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
18:38
*kendra :D
******
Saturday, March 17, 2007
It's quite ironic how busy i can be during the holidays...
Well, I thank God that although the holidays were pretty tiring (Eastcoast, Leaders' Retreat,Recce etc etc etc.), i enjoyed it. It wasn't a total rest. But at least I did things that i really enjoyed.
My Uncle (my dad's brother) has just come back from China since he "disappeared" and was "missing in action" for the past 1 - 2 years. He called my house one night not recognising me and speaking to me oh-so-properly. haha. (when i was about to fall asleep -_-")
Kendra: Hello... ... Uncle: Umm... Who is this? Kendra: (eh?) Who are you looking for? Uncle: Umm.. is this Lawrence Ang's Residence? Kendra: Yes... May i know who you're looking for?Uncle: I'm um...can i speak to my mother please? Kendra: OH uncle ah... (I called him uncle in dialect btw...) She's asleep. Uncle: Yes yes. What about my brother? Kendra: Uh, he's sleeping also. Uncle: then nevermind...
And he never acknowledged me. He probably forgot my name or something. since he's been gone for like.. donkey years. So, he came over to my house on thursday night..when i was feeling like a zombie. He looks different, with long hair and all. He looks older than my dad even though my dad's older.. haha. And he's got this interesting Chinese Accent when he speaks Chinese which seems weird to me. oh well, at least he's finally come back after those donkey years. He must have alot to catch up with my Granny... He's bringing her out tomorrow. haha.
Oh well, i was listening to the conversation between he and my dad and it really amazes me how two people whose characters are two worlds apart can be brothers. It's alittle like me and my sis... just that we're not THAT different. haha. hmm, just that she sometimes speaks like me and looks like me -_-".
Alright. Enough of my comments. Holidays are ending... .... .. ... and i just did a countdown calendar to June Hols :P
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
"i feel tired... *yawn*" "you're always tired." "Kendra's always sleeping"
I just started wondering why isit that i'm always lethargic and not energetic (they are the same meaning i think) and the reason why i always seem to be sleeping or about to fall asleep. I guess it was after that time that i start to use sleeping as an excuse to not hear things that i do not want to hear, use sleeping as a way to run away from things.
It really isn't a nice feeling to have people talking about you or hear people talking bad about people. Sometimes, it's only when they think that you're asleep that they'd show their true colours. Ugliness of people.
Don't wake me up when i'm sleeping will you?
11:16
*kendra :D
******
Monday, March 12, 2007 The first feeling i had this morning when i just woke up was "estatic". I immediately messaged a good morning message to doctor and was haha-ing more than usual. (although i "haha" quite alot in messages...) I still had that HIGH~ feeling while walking to church. I almost skipped to church. However, right after i reached Shop N Safe in Toa Payoh, i lost those high-ness that i had. I lost all the energy. I stoned.
s-t-o-n-e.
Then, i started to zi-high again when i reached East Coast. but right after a few minutes, my feelings when down swing again. I guess this is the biggest moodswing that i had ever felt in a day, after Friday. It just seemed queer. I don't want to give the excuse of saying that it's a phase of puberty or something. But really, i don't know why i was behaving like i was today. Forgive me.
"forgive me". HA. I'm reading a book now which is like a volume of Sierra Jensen books. She said something about the 2 phrases that can withstand a relationship. Be it friendship or kinship or whatever. "forgive me" and "thank you". It just seems like it gets harder and harder to say those two phrases when you get closer to a person. You somehow start to take that person for granted.
Hmm. Well, now that i'm reminded, "forgive me" and "thank you" shall always be in Kendra's dictionary.
22:46
*kendra :D
******
Saturday, March 10, 2007
i don't know. i'm getting annoyed now.
why isit that people come on saturdays for worship practice and not for the cg workshops? why isit that people come for service but not for sunday school? why isit that people can ensure that they don't be late for exams yet be late for sunday services and they do not seem to change? why isit that people try their best to pay attention during classes yet not during sermon times? why isit that people can wake up at 7 in the morning to go for outings to e.g. sentosa but complain about waking up early to attend the prayer meeting? why isit that two churches in one building just can't seem to love one another?
why isit that things like this always happen at this part of the year? why isit that you just can't seem to change? why isit that you're still as hypocritical as you are? why isit that people call themselves Christians yet they don't seem to be or even try to be like one?
why am i here typing all these? who am i to judge?
blah. goodnight.
21:32
*kendra :D
******
speechless. Sometimes, i just look at things and try not to be involved. I'd be the observer. however, it doesn't seem to work. I know that something has to be done. what?
Sometimes, relationships are just so fragile. You might just lose a friend because of carelessness and you'd never get him/her back again. That's probably why they say that kinship is the strongest. cause you'd always have the same blood as your family and they would always always support and forgive you. they'd always love you. whatever But we still need friends. so how now brown cow? moo
i don't know. nothing seems to make sense to me now. Not even this blog post. i shall just continue stoning :)
she looks at her friends and sighs.
20:17
*kendra :D
******
Thursday, March 08, 2007 Nobody likes it when people don't trust him/her. Likewise, i don't like it when people don't believe me. especially somebody whom i call "good" friend. I am not feeling well. It's not because i didn't want to run for cross country that i feign my sickness. No. I do not want you to explain. just listenread. I know that i always seem to be sick, always trying to skip school, skip PE etc for the past few weeks. but i am guilty of those actions that i've done. (although i was really really sick). I thought you were somebody who understood. Who trusted me. Never have i thought that you're like those who gave me the "ya-right" looks when i said that i was feeling unwell. You know how that feels. You have felt it before. You complain that people don't understand. Well, have you even tried to understand me?
Well, I don't need any apology cause apology doesn't matter to me now. I just want to let you know that it really hurt me.
Today, while cheering for the 1st few B-div girls who were nearing the finishing line, i was touched by a scene. "Go Audrey!" Charissa screamed and cheered. Audrey looked at her and smiled and continued jogging. She kept looking back to check on York Ying, her good friend. Her friend doesn't seem to be able to make it... but she continues to encourage her. "don't care about her, JUST RUN!" She still looked back. York Ying then sped and caught up with Audrey. "see? she's going to want to overtake her!" then, Audrey sort of smiled and started sprinting together with York Ying.
It was a scene that showed true friendship. To me. It's something that some people really can't do. To not bother about whatever rank or whatever people say, just to help her friend. Although i don't know who passed by the cones first, i know that in the end, the rank didn't matter.
19:43
*kendra :D
******
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I MISS MY SOCCERBUDDY! I miss sms-ing you while watching soccer like what we did last year! haha!
Oh yes, it's Hin Ann's birthday today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HIN ANN! :D i miss my dear jie mei too .. haha. let's go out again one day!
19:33
*kendra :D
******
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Kendra's mood has improved and she's high today. (well, partially because of Cheryl Yeo's introduction to a "VERY CUTE SONG" from her MP3 player which caused us to sing it for the first part of the day)
Well, i just thought about how people would think of me. They'd probably think i'm some crazy person with moodswings that goes up and down for no reason. And now, i'm going crazy about songs. Like zhuan1 shu3 tian1 shi3 by Tank. It's stuck in my head for the whole of last night and this morning... And after the introduction of the song, Bao3 bei4 by Cao2 Ge2, it got stuck for a really really long time... and i'm repeating it on my media player now. hahahahaha. oh crap. i'm going really high now that i don't even know what i'm typing about.
It's finally the 6th of March! Heh! 3 MORE DAYS TILL SCHOOL HOLIDAYS! okay, it doesn't really feel like the holidays are coming... but, i'm still glad that we'd get a week of rest... (sort of)
oh, and yes, i've finally got a library book to read during the holidays. I haven't borrowed a book in months because of the overdued fines and stuff :P hahaha. but i've cleared them today! HA! Oh, and i was pretty annoyed by 3 teenage guys from a particular school who sat in the National Library looking at girls. They're like those who go to KAP to see girls... it's only the difference in location -_-" oh well, it was really disturbing while looking for a particular book to read because of their stares and stuff. And they practically stared at every teenage girl they saw -_-
Monday, March 05, 2007 Do They See Jesus in Me? Is the face that I see in the mirror The one I want others to see Do I show in the way that I walk in my life the love that youve given to me my hearts desires is to be like you in all that i do all that i am
Chorus: Do they see Jesus in me Do they recognize your face Do I communicate your love And your grace Do I reflect who you are In the way I choose to be Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me
well Its amazing that you'd ever use me but use me the way you will help me to hold out a heart of compassion and grace a heart that your spirit fills May I show forgiveness and mercy the same way you've shown it to me
(chorus)
Well i wanna show all the world that you are the reason i live and breathe so you'll be the one that they see when they see me
ME
Kendra Ang
Hui en
En en
kendrathedendrawholivesinadandruff
God's my father :D
15 nov
:D
oohlalaian!
blackmorean
tpymer |ll|ll|l||ll||ll|l|ll| copyRIGHTED tRiStA
