My oh my. has Singapore ever gotten the highest temperature 27 degrees celcius before? I dont' even feel like bathing in this weather. and i'm sneezing....
Anyway. i didn't go school today. And i heard that today was super fun. hahaha. alright. regretted alittle. but i'm still glad that i had my beauty sleep.. :D
Well, got to read YOUR blog and just realised how affected i can be after reading somebody's blog. like their problems are mine or smth. haha. Don't worry alright. your friend would be fine after awhile and would get over it!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
i shall type this in RED: NO I do not want to see you! ARGH. you...rah rah rah rah rah.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006 i just realised how much weight i've put on since this year. and it's really getting bad. i've put on almost 3 kg in this year. ARGH ARGH ARGH. Somebody teach me how to lose those 3 kg!
I almost thought i was going to die today on my way to Piano class. I was feeling giddy and dehydrated and hungry (cause i didn't eat lunch. i ate recess instead hoping that my stomach would be filled till then - 4pm). Thank God my piano teacher had MILO in her house and she gave me a packet to drink. While i was playing scales, i really thought that i would pass out anytime. "NO kendra. don't be crazy. continue playing!" It was horrible though. i played horribly today. worse than last week. -_- and my piano teacher's feeding me like a pig with her biscuits... "Bring along with you and eat on the way back" she said in chinese. haha. she does that everyweek. and today, she gave me ONE WHOLE PACKET of buscuits to me.
Haha. i shall stop complaining about it since i really needed those little biscuits at that time when i was on my way home cause i was feeling pretty giddy.
Oh. Alright. i'd better go do the PW business proposal.
currently in school now trying to do my camp video -_- Argh. the music that they give is so -_-". really really bad. haha. i want my own music!
i couldn't stop laughing today. i dont' know why. I kept giggling during Chinese and Geography and History. Even during Literature, i burst out giggling for nothing.Oh! i finally ate my vegetable bao today. :D :D :D :D it would taste nicer if it was hotter. but it's alright :D I'm happy. hahaha.
Alright. gtg for CIP to do the toilet thing. it looks MUCH BETTER now. trust me (stupid orange). :D
Monday, August 28, 2006
It was not as bad as i thought it would be. Just some technical stuff that really affected me during worship so badly that i couldn't worship.. Guitar out of tune... worship leaders out of tune... but it's alright. It was a good try for those who lead worship today.
Sharing Session was good too. Never really had a chance to hear from Bernice about her Faith and stuff. but was glad that both Carmen and Bernice... and Mrs Phua shared. haha. I shared too. UNPREPARED. Well, i was actually volunteered by.. i don't know who to share. Since i wasn't prepared, i actually wanted to give up that idea of sharing... but after hearing from Carmen and Bernice, i decided to share about how God spoke to me during QT. Handling Adversity. About how we should let God use the trials or tests or whatever to make all of us stronger.And also, to encourage them to have the Faith that God listens and answers prayers.
Thank You Lord
Sunday, August 27, 2006 the feeling's coming back once again. i hate it. ARGH. I DONT WANT SCHOOL.
it's the last week of the term. which sounds really scary. it means that the Finals are coming, the CLDDS final year performance is really near... Finals are coming and what am i doing? NOTHING.
I really really don't know how to start studying. I'm just afraid that i'd forget whatever that i revise now. and having to be tested on the whole textbook sounds really crappy. i'd rather have mid-year.
I bought the Tong en CD yesterday. rocks. :D i haven't bought CDs for a long time... :)
i think gastric/stomach flu is coming back to me again... Pray that i wouldn't experience it again. gosh. remember that time when i had it so bad that i missed almost a whole month of sch (plus some sch phobia thingy). And i remember fainting in Peking Airport. which was pretty fun. imagine sitting on the wheelchair and being wheeled everywhere u go and pretending to have ur ankle sprained so that the airport staff wouldn't send u straight to the hospital because you fainted. hahaha. that was my first time knowing what losing ur consciousness is like. haha.
I feel super duper tired now. my eyes are going to close anytime. and i've got PW to do and Maths to do -_-"""
I'm becoming lazy again. it sucks. Hello? anybody with medicine to treat laziness?
Saturday, August 26, 2006
These songs made me cry. last time.
u said u'd be there to listen to me. when i got the courage to tell the BOTH OF U what was bothering me, u changed the topic. u ignored.
Don't tell people so confidently that u can do it when u can't do ok. it disappoints ppl.
crying in the morning before assembly helps. cause it makes u numb and prepared for smth as bad to happen.
What a news that made the whole of 2O angry and upset. that stupid toilet CIP project. 12 ppl stayed back to paint the toilets yesterday for 1 1/2 hr. i stayed for 1 hr (45 mins actually) just to see the walls get "vandalised"(quoted from teachers)? I do not want to comment much cause i didn't do much except trying to help touch up. 2o was gloomy and frustrated. today's a bad day.
somehow, i pity our form teacher (2oohlalaians, don't shoot me!). honestly. look at her cringed up face. she looks super stressed out and our class's given her so much pressure that she seem so... i don't know. However, i do find fault with her being so contradicting. She agreed and now wants to change.
People almost cried today when the teachers said that we needed to clear off the "vandalism". imagine how much money was put into buying the paints.. how much time they sacrificed and the effort they put in.
Time is flying so quickly that i can't wait till the november hols already. I'm trying to look forward and try to stay positive. like what i always did last time. i'm happy. i'm happy. i'm positive. HAHAHAHAHA
whatever lar. i'm being so fake
I think you people might be irritated by my nonsensical moodswings already. haha. i am though. When can i just stop being so )*&%Y@*HR$@Oy7? urgh. "u have to learn to accept yourself and love yourself" yea. i know. thanks. but it's alittle hard ah.i'm trying so hard that i feel like giving up already. "no. u cannot give up!"
i was shocked that i actually cried because my mom didn't let me pon sch today. hahahahahhaha. Felt like a loser manx. and the worst thing is. i cried the whole morning. LOSER.
Thursday, August 24, 2006 Yesterday when i was walking out of the school gate, i looked at the sun and said in my heart, "thank You Lord for this day".
Everything seemed fine. i took bus 157 to Lorong 8, walked back, and reached my block at 2.45. i was happy. then, i walked up the stairs to the 9th floor and pressed on my doorbell. Nobody answered the door. I pressed again. hmm. then, i noticed something. MY GRANDMA'S SLIPPERS WASN'T THERE. At first, i thought..maybe she went down to buy smth. then, after 15mins, it didn't seem right. then, i walked to the shoe rack and looked. my grandma changed her footwear. she went to the doctor!! RAHHHH
Suddenly, all my happy feeling ZOOOM flew away. why? cause i had no keys, no phone, no money. GREAT. Just great! I only had one EZ link card with me to help me get to places... which i didn't intend to cause i thought i could STUDY. I thought of studying at the void deck. but when i went downstairs, there were two aunties talking. it wasn't really nice to sit there and wait and listen to their conversation right. So i decided to go J8.
HOW BORING. atfirst, i thought of going to Xin Pei's house to borrow her phone or textbook or smth. but it seemed so weird. and she might not be home! then i thought of melody. but i didn't know which floor to stay. then i thought of Andrew Fong, which is.. out of the question. he lives VERY NEAR, but we hardly know each other. Then i thought of Nicole... weird. Faythfoo? nah. i don't want her mom to ask me questions...
So i just wasted my precious 45mins walking in J8.
GAH. How boring.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I changed my piano lesson to Thursday as i wanted to come home earlier to study for Physics and LifeScience. Look what i'm doing now. SURFING THE NET.
Alright. just felt like posting something before i go off and say hi to my textbooks and notes.
Hmm.. i can't think of anything to post anymore. haha.
Got back Maths Test paper just now and i passed. yay huh? but having so many people failing in class just made me lose my happy mood of passing. I didn't pass with flying colours, but at least i passed. I thought she lost her mind when she cried. It was really creepy. She cried cause she failed, when her partner failed even more terribly.
Honestly, it's not wrong for being upset with your marks. but be more sensitive ya? Those who were sitting around you got much lower than you.
What's my problem now? I do not know honestly. You may be getting ready a stone to throw at me cause it's the same old problem again. I know you are always encouraging me and affirming me. but, i think it's just me. I can't help it but feel lousy at times, wondering why can't i be like who who who or be a better person. I see that she doesn't like me much. I can ignore that, i know. I see that there are just SOME PEOPLE who isn't as sensitive as others and say things that may hurt. I can ignore them, i know.
I see how hard you try to get me to open up and tell you what i'm feeling or what i'm thinking. It's just me. I can't, i can't, i can't. It's just so weird to tell people about myself.
I'm just not expressive.
Monday, August 21, 2006 While walking home today, i reflected on the words i used on my classmates and i really want to apologise to Molina and Si hui. I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm sorry for hurting u with whatever words that i used.
I was pretty happy today and i don't know why. Most probably because... honestly, i don't know. Maybe the weather was good? haha. i'm just crapping. Oh well, i'm just joyful because i have Jesus living in me! :D And because i was happy about life, i decided to walk home from toa payoh aagain. hahaha. while crossing the overhead bridge, i saw this little kindergarden girl trying to walk down the steps one by one. She was really adorable and a thought sudden struck me. "How i wish i was like the little girl"... learning to take one step at a time slowly, not being stressed by having to walk down those steps quickly... Cause, u never know, once u stress urself out, being pressurized by people telling u to walk faster, u may just trip and fall. The fall may be just a minor one, it may also be a major one. (yea, and augmented, diminished ..haha) You may just have scratches and bruises, or u may end up having your bones fractured or your head injured.
I want to go back to the past again. Taking steps one by one, little by little, having patient adults around me supporting me.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
YES I AM FAT SO? RAH.
stop saying words that hurt. u may think that those are just jokes, but they are not funny to me. they hurt me alot and it really discouraged me alot and pulled down my self esteem u suck. and i DO NOT enjoy talking u. RAH. Go away! Shoo! BYE.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
We got back our progress report on Wednesday and i did super badly for my CA3. i can't believe i got a C5 for Computer Studies though. i thought i did well :P. anyway, yea. my overall average mark is 59.0 so nice right... a C6 -_- I didn't get any A1s and only got 2 A2s for both English and Chinese. My mom didn't say much about my results.. only said that my Geography was really poor and i should hand in my Art piece (:P. i submitted 0 art pieces last term). but i think the reason why she didn't say much was probably because i showed her my remarks from my teachers first. hahaha. Let her see the nice nice remarks before looking at my results did help somehow. she didn't scold.
Although my parents do not have super high expectations... want me to get straight As or whatever... I still felt super guilty. I mean, people have improved through the year and my results have been deteoriating (am i using the right word?). It's really discouraging when i go around reading people's blog about how many A1s they got or even getting 80 smth as an average mark or smth.
I kept telling myself that i'd be able to do well for my final year exam and it would pull my overall for this year up. but there's just this voice telling me that i wouldn't be able to do it. argh.
Friday, August 18, 2006 Was having a conversation with my mom yesterday on our way back from Toa Payoh and we were conversing about the short relationships in Hollywood and how the celebrities can re-marry again and again and fall in love so quickly and stuff. She was said that, when they are acting, they tend to get emotional and tend to let their emotions take control of them and stuff... and especially if they are acting as a couple, they tend to fall in love in real life... smth liddat... and while i was commenting, she suddenly asked "So who's your boyfriend?" I was speechless. "huh?? what boyfriend?" "in church?" "huh? i don't have boyfriend what." -_-" and then she told me that there's who who who who seems to be always around me and talking to me or who who who i'm always talking to... ... :S "uh... no lar. i don't have boyfriend." she then told me that i have to tell her if i get into a relationship and not let her be the last to know. uhh.. ok.. hahaha. It's really weird to have my mom suspecting me having a boyfriend. Do i even look like i have one? I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND!
Went to tighten braces a few days ago and had to put on this rubberbands thing to align my teeth. I was asking my sister "mine's cranberry taste. what's yours ah?" and she gave me that ?_? look. "it's called cranberry. there's no taste. if there's taste, u should be able to taste it now that it's in your mouth." haha. and i was like "ya hor." and wondered why i didn't taste any cranberry taste. then she took out the small plastic sealed bag that contained her rubberbands. it's called cranberry too! haha. i think the brand's cranberry or smth... hehe. but i felt so dumb. hahahahaha.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
i haven't been getting enough sleep nowadays and i do not know the reason for it!!!! I went to bed at 945 pm on sunday night, preparing to get a good night sleep. never did i know that Kendra and hui en would wake me up! I woke myself up by the thought of History Test :S... when it the History test is on TUESDAY and not MONDAY. I even had to check my phone to make sure that it was Monday and not Tuesday. and after i was awaken, i couldn't go back to sleep. When i went back to sleep, my alarm RANG. Just last night, i planned to sleep at 2130hrs and i was awaken by the unlocking of the gate... :S i started to hate my sense of hearing. i closed my room door and my room isn't like, just beside the gate or smth...
I hate it i hate it. Eyebags popped out and i just feel like a zombie these few days.
Lord, would u grant me good night sleep from tonight.
Sunday, August 13, 2006 It's difficult.. really really difficult.
i really don't know what to do manx. I can't just stone everyday letting my mind wonder off to that problem. neither can i leave it hanging in the air and not solve it. but everytime when i think the problem is solved, a new problem comes up. Everytime i thought that i could be happy for at least the rest of the month, there comes another problem the next day.
I'm tired. physically and mentally.
Studies... Piano exam... problems... Grrr. and the thing is, the problem is not even directly mine! RAH.
My mom says that i over-stress myself. I'm starting to agree with that.
Lord, give me strength.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Haha. went to Jinwei's house with Minghui and Linghui yesterday for lunch and we cooked...
SEAFOOD CREAM PASTA! and made chicken salad! haha!
cooking with Linghui and Minghui's funny. u should see minghui's UNIQUE way of cracking an egg shell or Linghui's scary way of cutting veggie. haha.
Went to church to "jam" alittle after that and i learnt to play the guitar! haha! i haven't mastered it though... i'm gonna borrow Sar sar's guitar and practise! yeah! i think guitar's addictive... i've been wanting to play right after i boarded the bus to go home yesterday till now.
yes. we shall be "good" Singapore citizens and be patriotic! Dress in Red and White! singing national day songs! saying Happy National Day everywhere we go! -_-""
During the celebrations yesterday while singing the NDP theme songs, i started to miss the 4 musketeers... i miss Hin Ann and Lilian!!! i miss Esther too.. (even though she was just sitting above at the gallery) i miss being the different one and singing the chinese verse of the songs while the others sang english with them... laughing when we can't get the chinese words right..etc.
i miss HIN ANN. we've got to go out again.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006 hmm... last time when i heard the older version of this song, i always had that "lonely i'm so lonely" feeling. I always thought i was alone. nobody would understand...(but if i don't tell, how would they understand?) this time, after a LONG time, listening to the version by Zhang Dong Liang, it somehow just feels.. happier.haha. i don't know. maybe it's just his voice. makes me smile :D :D.hahahaha
it's sad that he doesn't have very great looks though.
Anyway, it was national day celebrations today and for my first time in my entire life, my sch girls went CRAZY about national day! waving flags...singing like mad (like nobody's business) and stuff. I don't remember being so crazy last time. I think the Sec 4s are too stressed out by their exams. (Prelims started YESTERDAY)
oh well, it was also my first time being home so early. 1040... wow. actually, not my first time. but it's been a long time since i've come home at 10 plus IN THE MORNING. if it was in the past when my body clock wasn't as "efficient" as present, i'd still be sleeping like a pig at home at that time during a holiday... :S oh well, went to NTUC to try looking for Lowfat mayonnese(sp) supposedly to spread with tuna for my lunch. however, i couldn't find it. so there went my tuna sandwich lunch. i ate porkfloss instead :S :S:S
People are going to watch fireworks tonight while i'm staying home for tuition. ARGH.
er. alright. tuition starting. bye!
Monday, August 07, 2006
I was asking myself questions on my way home just now.
am i willing to be like Barnabas? to spread His gospel? am i willing to be a good friend to somebody? listening to his/her problems? am i willing to be a joy to people's life? a reflector of God?
Anyway, thanks for all your concern. i'm alright now. feel stupid for how i felt again. haha. seemed like i wanted attention ah? hahaa.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
i think i'm really suffering from insomnia. I went to bed around 10 plus. i fell asleep only after... actually. i don't know how long i've been awake last night. but i really cldn't sleep and NOTHING was on my mind. :S trust me, i'd rather think about unhappy stuff and cry to sleep than to have my eyes wide open looking at the window or my ceiling or turn to the side to look at my cushion and can't sleep. I wouldn't mind sleeping to 10 today. BUT I WOKE UP AT 7! RAH. and no matter how hard i force myself, I COULDNT GO BACK TO SLEEP MORE. I'm starting to hate my body clock. It's good during school time, but a thumbs down for weekends, when i don't have to wake up as early as USUAL. It's not only when i wake up at 7. i actually woke up at about 5 this morning.. :S don't ask me why. i really don't know. I feel super tired now. eyebags are showing. ARGHHHH
Don't ask me why i'm so moody or sianz or tired today. I don't know why. . . ok. i'm tired because i didn't sleep well. As for being moody and sianz... ... i'm just easily provoked. Ok. maybe it's just because i'm tired. I'm TIRED. and probably still DEPRESSED.
I now really wonder. who would stand a person like me who's always have extreme mood swings. I wouldn't be able to stand somebody like that actually. HA HA i can't stand myself.
Friday, August 04, 2006 YES. Ardnek's depressed once again. I've been shunning people and not talking. I'm sorry, Si hui.
I was actually alright after home econs lesson and during recess. until i saw my Math grade. I've got a B3 and i know it's fine to most of u. but NOT TO ME. i wanted an A1 so desperately. i need an A1 in my progress report. and i'm not progressing well at all. i've got a C for LIfescience, probably another C for Physics... another C for Geog and History and Lit. ARGH. I'm getting from bad to worse. I know that people are going to tell me that i'm going to do better for the next test and i can't do anything to change my grades for CA3. but... ARGH. what would my parents think? i'm sure they'd be disappointed in me. And i'm not proving that i'm old enough to handle both studies and stuff i want to do.
I'm going to start mugging. so don't tempt me to go out cause I'd probably reject u. yeah. going out makes me eat more, which = GET FATTER. Talking about being fatter, i've been having insomnia nowadays and am growing fatter and fatter each day. really sucks. EVERYPART of my body's growing fatter and flabbier and... :S I'M GOING TO GO ON DIET. don't tempt me! RAH.
Kendra's officially depressed. and would probably stay that way for at least today. GOOD NIGHT
Thursday, August 03, 2006
During P.E. today while doing sit ups, i was looking at the sky and i got reminded again of God's Faithfulness. i'm really really blessed compared to people of the same age in other countries and probably even Singapore alone. At least i have a home, i have friends, i get to go to school, get to buy whatever i want and eat whatever i want (:S)... etc. etc. Compared to those who are physically impaired, i'm blessed. cause i have eyes to see God's creation, ears to listen, mouth to praise, hands to touch, legs to walk, nose to smell.. ... ... I'm blessed.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
i heard that my great grandma just got admitted to hospital while my grandma just came back from the hospital -_-"". I wonder what had happened to her.
ironically, school's making me fat. I'm eating like i'm mad. GRR. I-Scream yoghurt is here again to earn our money and make me fat again :S. I shall not be tempted!!! ya right, i just ate an icecream -_-"
Ok. i don't know what i'm talking about... I feel tired... :S couldn't really sleep last night... :S I'm thinking about stuff that i haven't thought about for a rather long while and i really hate it. i hate deceiving myself manx. sucks.
I'M CHILDISH I'M IMMATURE I'M CHILDISH
i shall go take a nap.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
hey hey. it's a really good weather to go swimming now! but uh. i should just stay home and finish revising and doing my work. alright, before i share about what i want to share(-_-"""), let me reply lawrence here: Model? i didn't notice any supermodel in toapayoh yesterday. I saw a golden hair bird though. haha. :P
ANYWAY, I wanted to share about this.
I was reminded 3 times today to seek God's strength and not fall into any evil temptations. First was in the morning during my QT, second time during devotions in school at assembly time, third time was the message i received from Jingyi just now. I'm sure it's not a coincidence that i'm reminded so many times about it today. Is God trying to speak to me? Trying to warn me that i have done something wrong or going to face difficult situations? I shall keep it in mind.
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. - 2 Timothy 3:22-23