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Saturday, September 30, 2006
"have you ever felt lonely before?"
that was one of the questions i was asked to talk about during Oral. Then, i thought for a very long time. and i suddenly remembered how lonely i was when i was a kid. My friends ran around from places to places, i never had a true best friend. Even though i still have sar sar around with me in school, it's just different when you're in different classes.
Today, i felt the loneliness again. I suddenly couldn't speak to anybody. I somehow didn't feel that frequency. It felt awkward.
I then thought about those times when i actually wanted to be alone. Why wasn't i feeling that way today? it could have been better. I needed to talk to u. I had the urge to message you. but... i didn't know what to type.
I missed many people's presence. You, you, you and you! And i can only continue missing you (X4,5,6)
It sucks to feel lonely. Argh. I have been numb for awhile. Why did i lose that numbness?
Friday, September 29, 2006
Just came back from Worship Prac. I declare that i'm brain dead.
i can't believe i actually finished 3 chapters of History in one day. Thank You Lord.
anyway, that's alittle out of point.
Argh. i can't remember what my point of blogging was. uhh.. Oh yea. i've been complaining about not being able to celebrate Kendra's 14th Anniversary on my own but in School cause of the Leadership Training camp. I should be happy. Cause i was "chosen" but.. urgh. why didn't they choose another day? argh. i've only 7 1-2 hours to myself. Argh argh argh. I shall make full use of those 7 hours! (to sleep -_-)
Thursday, September 28, 2006
"you're super high I today"
yes. I KNOW. I'm super talkative today and i just sound like some bimbo trying to get my history teacher's attention :S which is.. pretty bad. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A BIMBO. I've been complaining also about how stressed i am to Molina. I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME AN AUNTIE.
Kendra: MUMMY. I think i'm stressed.. but i don't feel stressed Kendra's mum: (gives a :S look and continues doing her jigsaw puzzle) Kendra: my head's like hurting and i'm eating super fast and getting bloated super easily. And i've had 7 1/2hrs of sleep last night yet i feel so tired today.. Kendra's mum: i think you're stressed. come, watch CSI with me later. Kendra: (gives mum a ?? look) I need to sleep by 10. i need 7 hours of rest Kendra's mum: (laughs) you're very discipline leh Kendra: uh... huh... Kendra's mum: which is good. Kendra: :S okay..
During Recess on Wednesday Mabel: Which JC are you from? Kendra: (to Charissa, Esabelle, Joanne, Si Hui, Wei Leng and Mabel) i thought he went to US? Mabel: huh? HE went to US? :S Mr Seow: ACJC Kendra and Charissa: EW... :/ Mr Seow: Oei! I was in ACS for 12 years Kendra: (whispers) oh ew...even worse... Mr Seow: (overheard) OEI! You! minus 2 marks! Kendra: (thinks) whatever :P
History Class today Mabel: but my friend is that kind who doesn't study one.. Mr Seow: that's probably because he's in the bottom class. Mabel: but he topped the level! (:P) Mr Seow: If he topped the level and said that he doesn't study.. blogs, play games.. Mabel: (mumbles) he doesn't blog Mr Seow: (continues) he's most probably the kia su kind on studies at night Somebody from the front: so are you like that? Mr. Seow: Yes. (PROUDLY) i am! Mabel: but you didn't top the level right? Mr. Seow: :O!! (speechless) ... ... Mr. Seow: Ya! I was from the most nerd class.. Kendra: No wonder Mr Seow: HAIYA! (attempts to throw his whiteboard marker) Kendra: :P (lays her head on the table trying to hid from him)
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
It really sucks. Am i not worth your trust? I'm revising more than i do last time, sleeping earlier than usual, making sure that i make good use of my time during the day to prepare for my exams and u still don't trust that i wouldn't study before i even go to church. Why isit that i have to be home to be SEEN as i'm studying? Cause grandma would be able to "supervise" me? Whatever!
You kept asking for assurance that i would do my work. oh well, that's probably because u don't SEE me do my work. but it doesn't mean that I DON'T DO MY WORK.
I've been trying so hard this year to prove that i'd be able to manage my school work. I know i've failed. and i guess u're just so disappointed that you don't even know if you should trust me anymore. (or maybe i'm just assuming)
I know that i've played ALOT this year, i know that my grades are going from bad to worse, i know that i'm just a disappointment. I'm sorry. I'm trying my best now. So stop stating comments that discourage me. (uh but.. you're doing what you're supposed to do as a parent :S) They really hurt me. urgh. it sucks.
Maybe instead of 8 hrs of studying, i should include 2 more hours.
Oh wow. i can actually empathise with Carmen now. We're on the same sinking boat. LET'S DIE TOGETHER
Sunday, September 24, 2006
I can't wait till the exams are over. The pre-exams activities suck. hahaha. study, mug, study, bowl..whatever. it just sucks. Argh. And i just realised that History's the 2nd paper (besides english) and i haven't started on any chapter yet. Good luck to me. I'm feeling cranky. have been pretty mean.. ... ... urgh. i'm sorry. I'm just. cranky. Bad excuse. Still... Grrr! Oh. Btw, i'm really sorry if i hurt you. sorry sorry.
btw, for those who don't know how gay my sch guy teachers are, here's one pic as a proof: interesting huh. guy teachers in my sch u. too bad i wasn't there to have a good laugh on that day. hahahaha! (Mrs ***** said that Mr **** is more vain than the other Mr ***) Alright. i think i'm alittle crazy about the guy teachers in sch now. WHICH IS BAD :S:S:S. who wants to be crazy about them... urgh. :/
Saturday, September 23, 2006
my mom told me that my sister placed something on my table, think it was some note but she couldn't read it. I was so touched by the note that i almost cried. Although it's just a small short note, it's really nice to know that your younger sister really appreciates you. I never said that i loved my sister. but i really do. I love my dearest sister :)
I brought Li Qi to church today as i met her at the Bishan Library and she was alone. She amazed me by the amount of knowledge she has. She's still innocent, yet she was just... different. She may be mischevous at times... but she's really smart. I don't really know how to describe. she's just. different. :)
Friday, September 22, 2006
i'm proud of myself for making Mr Seow dumbfounded during History today :D HAHA
Mr Seow: imagine the Ang Mo Kio GRC coming out with their own rules. How will the Central Government feel? How will Lee Hsien Loong feel? Kendra : but Lee Hsien Loong's the one taking care of Ang Mo Kio GRC! 2o bursts out into laughter. Mr Seow: ... ... it was just an example!!
Hehe. alright. Actually, is Lee Hsien Loong the minister taking the AMK GRC? haha. he is right? hehehe. i felt smart. FOR ONCE.
Anyway, had home econs prac today. Thank God i was calm. and managed to cut the fish.
Went to KAP to study with Carmen. Honestly, it's not a good place to study. I was super distracted by the students from different schools. (Oh Mabel, i saw your church's Ervin (sp).) At least i've covered 3 chapters of Geog with Carmen :)
My stomach's not in a good condition. It's really bad. i couldn't eat dinner. and i just ate yoghurt. which doesn't make me feel better. haha. i should have drunk Green Tea instead -_-"
My dad just asked me if i were still going to church after i made a "i have to focus on my studies now" statement. He told me that i would have to cut down on the activities in church in Upper Sec. but uh. am i too committed to Church activities? I thought it's only the weekends. oh well, nevermind. i shall work harder during the weekdays to prove that my studies wouldn't be affected by the weekends. honestly, even if i don't go to Church on Saturdays and Sundays, it doesn't mean that i'd study. I'd most probably sleep at home or go shopping with my mom or smth. So isn't going to church more meaningful? at least for CG?
Thursday, September 21, 2006 My grandma is feeling unwell. She's having stomache and doesn't seem to be better. she looks weak. Somehow, i just feel sorry for being so impatient with her for the past few days. I haven't been a good grand daughter :( I should treat her well and stop being annoyed by her. BUT, she should also look after herself. she bought fried kuay teow! isn't that like... oily and unhealthy and bad for the stomach?
Anyway, piano exam was alright. the examiner was really friendly :) a nice old fella.. hahaha. Aural was pretty easy. i hope i didn't answer the questions wrongly. As for the pieces and sightreading... ... let nature take its course (isit used correctly? :P) i hope i'd pass. my piano teacher didn't seem so convinced when i told her i should be able to pass. rah. how encouraging.. well, at least i can now focus on BOOKS. i mean, STUDIES.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I had a shaky start for Monday. Only till then i realised that i actually lost myself in this world and haven't really seeked God for awhile. i was so focused on my worries for my piano exam and school end of years that i forgot to let God take control. I prayed and prayed during service on Sunday for God to take control, yet i couldn't let go. There was just something that held it back. I was trying to act like i was strong. HAHA. But during chapel, i learnt to surrender it.
i thought i wouldn't be able to make it through the day, thought of excuses to go home. but i did. and monday ended with happiness.
Learn to give it. have Faith in Him. yep. I've learnt it. Thank You, Lord :)
Women tend to be hypocrites. hmm. it's pretty obvious isn't it.
although the times had changed and we're not living in Maycomb, Harper Lee had really pointed out something that's really true.
We're always hypocritical, thinking that we're more superior than some other people in some third world countries, thinking that, " hey! we should go to China to spread the Gospel!" "hey, we should reach out to those in Cambodia", "why don't we go to Africa or India?"
And we always forget that... there are many many MANY people around us who aren't saved yet. what's the point of going to try to save those a thousand miles away when u can't even learn to save those who are just beside you?
Hypocrites. We tend to smile infront of people and talk bad behind them. We always think that it'd hurt them if we told them the truth... but we always don't realise that they get hurt even more hearing from other people. Hypocrites. We, who are Christians think that we have better values than others and are more loving or WHATEVER than the others. but, are we, truly? We actually sin just as much as the others, just that by Grace of God, we are forgiven and given chances time and time again. We do not have "better" values if we don't even want to live as a Christian.
we're all human beings. why do we judge people by their races or religion? who are we to judge?
wait. am i judging already?
Friday, September 15, 2006
English oral was alright. I was reluctant to say good afternoon. but. oh well. i still did. and he gave that evil grin. :S rah. and said his favourite communist-like "sa!" which i do not understand at all.
anyway, the oral was pretty short. cause he said that he "seems to be the slowest" and the other teachers "seem to only have a few girls left while i have ... 5". fine then. i didn't say much for picture conversation, neither did i say much during the conversation cause he just interrupted me whenever i tried to talk. it then became alittle like a teacher-pupil conferencing.
Oh man. u should have seen the colour of his BRIGHT GREEN shirt. gosh. he was so OUTSTANDING among the teachers who came down for assembly today and i was so afraid that i would just be too dumbfounded by the colour of his shirt.
and he was laughing so loudly during some other's oral today which made me even more worried. i dont' know why.
I hope i scored well. "see? i so good. give you extra time to prepare :P"
i was just thinking about why 2E's so crazy about him. maybe he's just so charming and attractive and therefore they're so obsessed about teasing him and stuff :P :P :P (i'm getting ready to be killed by the 2e girls :P)
oh. talking about attractive. we had this leadership thingy program during Values Ed. today and something about ME caught my eye: Attractive. HAHAHA. i'm attractive according to that report. HAHA. i can't remember what was under that point ( i didn't bring back the file cause it was adding to the weight on my back). but i was so high about being attractive. ooh lala.
Thursday, September 14, 2006 i've started mugging umm.. yesterday. and my braincells are just fried.
I did 2hrs of maths in sch right after my lunch in the school canteen and after i came back home, i had 2hrs of tuition. my brain was filled with numbers that i couldn't think. i was so tired that i couldn't run during PE today. i DRAGGED my feet for 1hr 30 mins of P.E. ha.
hmm. so what have i done? revision worksheet for Maths, 2 units of Life Science and 1/2 chapter of History. and 1/3 of chapter of Physics (pracitising the reflection refraction thingy) yay. i feel accomplished. haha. I shall continue revising. write notes. type notes. whatever!
I believe that studying should be done out of the house and when u come home, JUST RELAX. hahahaha. so i stayed in school for like... 2 hrs ++ studying... and 2hrs ++ in church today (While waiting for my parents to pick me) to study. heh. I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED.
eh. hmm. there's English oral exam tomorrow. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. to open my mouth to Mr Seow. that my mind wouldnt' go blank when i'm supposed to speak. give me courage and confidence. yep. Oh no. i can't imagine him as my examiner. it's gonna be so weird.. :S :S
Monday, September 11, 2006
Linghui and her pig
listening to my dad (i seem to be seen playing the guitar everywhere i go -_-")
During Literature today, we were going through the part where Mayella was beginning to speak flirtatiously to Tom and being misunderstood and etc. Then, the lit teacher said, "you girls flirt with Mr ---- right?" Alright. i started laughing inside almost wanting to say "they do. I DONT!!" haha. and 2o didn't even reply. haha. i can imagine what faces the teacher have seen. She even said that some of us are pretty corquettish (erm. is the spelling correct? i didn't copy it down in my note book.is the word correct? haha) and are quite pretty too. hahaha. hmm... ... Then she made a note, " as much as i'm concerned, there're no guys in the staffroom" uh OOPS. i thought the 2E form teacher was one :P She then said something about guy teachers tend to be more flirtatious towards female teachers.. uh oh. ok...
Sunday, September 10, 2006 hmm. hahaha! school's giving me creeeps again.
i suddenly lost myself and burst out crying during dinner time and shocked my parents. haha. it's time to go to school and lose myself in those stacks of books and worksheets. i need to start studying and stop wasting my time online.
Hmm. Any suggestions for studying? (BESIDES KAP and Beauty World :P) Maybe i should try studying in school. or... is anybody's house available for studying? :P
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Alright. i still love my mom after all. :)
anyway, i just came back from Teoh Ling Hui's house. uh mm. hahaha. i dont' know what to say. Felt so paiseh going in and out of her room to get food while the adults were sharing. And it was also scary that while my dad was INTRODUCING about himself and his family, he called my name so many times :S (and i hid in her room behind her bed playing chaoyi's guitar! :P)
(in chinese) "Why didn't u go out just now to show everybody who you are?" "Everybody knows me as Fu Wen's daughter already what. they see me in church would then go 'oh.. so you're fu wen's daughter ah?' just like linghui. 'Oh, so you're zhang mu shi's daughter ah?' " "Hahahahaha"
Pastor Teoh was really funny. Before he actually shared about why he named his children their names, he was talking about how he was telling his children to choose their boy/girl friend wisely. HAHAHAHAHAHA. u should have seen linghui. she was trying to hide under her blanket and she looked like a caterpillar in a cocoon or smth. WAHAHA. Yeah. CHOOSE YOUR BOYFRIEND WISELY AUNTIE
urgh. talking about boyfriend reminds me of today's short gathering time with the discipleship class. and Minghui was complaining and regretting about what was said. Oh well. don't worry :) we wouldn't say anything
Gah. i feel crappy now. tired and bloated.
Friday, September 08, 2006
I just wanted a watch. JUST A WATCH. and u complained. u said that i should have kept my things properly HELLO... I did remember keeping my watch properly. i just can't remember where i put it. ALRIGHT. ya. maybe i really misplaced it. maybe i just have his genes that's all. or maybe i've just gone senile and forgot where i put my stuff. OH FINE. don't buy then don't buy. i'd just live with my handphone. I DO NOT NEED A WATCH.
She asked for it and u bought it for her. how many watches does she have? she has more than me. Oh. maybe u thought i lost the one u bought for me. I HAVEN'T. it's safely kept in my drawer OKAY. argh. you always buy her things. even those small and useless ones. i never complained. (Okay. not that she complained about me getting the clothes and stuff. )
go into Giordano, u asked her if she wanted to buy anything. to Popular, u bought for her some stupid "cheat people" thing. u've never liked my taste of clothes. whenever i go into some shop just to look at the clothes that seem to interest me, u would be so turned off and just walk out of it. i wouldn't even dare to ask u for advice anymore and just followed u. that's probably why i always share clothes with you. i do not DARE to say what i like I do not DARE to buy what i like when u allowed me to choose my own meal just now, i was grateful. i never thought the rest of the evening would be horrible.
Ok... maybe i've bought many clothes. fine. maybe i've bought and lost too many watches. FINE. I'M JUST OVER REACTING
people have flaws. i know. parents do get biased towards one of their kids. I KNOW. don't say that you're not. COME ON... it's obvious enough tonight. JUST ONE NIGHT.
I can't wait to earn my own money. go shopping and buy whatever i want. i feel like going to shop and eat all i want now. this feeling sucks.
U're just pure biased. even more biased than him towards me. he's more fair now alright.
I love my dad. I wouldnt' care about him being biased towards me anymore. she has her own mother to support on.
Thursday, September 07, 2006 i have to agree... that she does look like shaun :S Retarded pic.
We walked from Orchard to Plaza Sing to Bugis thanks to Teoh LingHui who didn't want to take MRT. and Jolene didn't exactly want to take bus. SO WE WALKED. but thank God we reached safely. haha. without being hit by cars... kidnapped.. ... i don't know. but having those two aunties there, i wouldn't jay walk and get hit de la. hahahahah.
oh well. next time we shall walk from Bishan to Woodlands alright? hehehe
Tuesday, September 05, 2006 i was bored my 2 fingers
this shows how bored and distracted i am. i just uploaded the pics i took on sunday night when i woke up at.. 3.
Monday, September 04, 2006 argh. u money suckers. i'm spending so much money on your presents! haha. nah.jk.
i've been pretty high nowadays. and i don't really know why and don't think it's important anyway.
Yes, birthdays. let's see... Minghui, Si hui, rachel HOW,adabiaojie, molina... alright. what shall i get for u? haha. any requests?
i just had a thought. who would actually remember my birthday? hmm... hahaha.
we're going out to orchard tomorrow again. hope that we wouldn't get lost in orchard and sit with the little children in Borders watching High School Musical.
hahaha! but it's alright... there's jolene to bring us around :P
Sunday, September 03, 2006
have u ever... gone to bed at 1130, slept at 12 and woke up at 3am in the morning and only fell asleep after 530am and slept for only an hour? I HAVE! and it happened to me TODAY! Argh.
i felt like a zombie when i was on my way to church. i didn't have breakfast cause.. HELLO. having 4 hours of sleep. how do u expect me to eat? and cause i didn't have breakfast, i felt like a hungry ghost walking in Toa Payoh. but, i thank God for the energy He's given me! i was actually pretty awake the whole day. thank You, Lord! :D
well, See how high i am? alright. u probably can't see.but i really feel like singing GET HIGH by F.I.R. hahahhaaha
but uh. i shall sleep early tonight and pray that i would catch up with my sleep. goodness me. sleeping for 4 hours is scary. and the scariest thing is that i actually could be awake this whole day. :S
haha. i can't remember the time when i slept so little. well, probably the previous camp... .. ... oh man. i miss sleeping in clubhouse on my "bed" all of a sudden.
Saturday, September 02, 2006 i wanted to post something about just now. but i just realised... i was pretty lost. it was cold. i was freezing. hmm. hahaha.
Friday, September 01, 2006 i've fallen deep in the well. and i can't seem to climb out (uh. weak arms lah) haha. reading your blog once again from the beginning and realised why you felt that way. that post wasn't targeting u. honest. don't think too much my friend.
it's funny how things get more complicating. especially when u start to think more and more about it. well. don't think anymore. nothing's going to change what has happened. don't be stupid. dumb. mad. u're just making things complicated for yourself. and that person mentioned hundred and thousands of times.
i'm an outsider. i do not know what had happened so many months back. but all i know is. that you're making it complicated.
hope you've stopped already.
haha. i was stunned that i was "involved" for nothing... and i'm glad that i got to know why everything suddenly seemed so weird.
i tell you to stop thinking yet i can't stop thinking about it myself. hahaha.
i'm haha-ing away again. oh my. u must be super irritated and agitated but WHAT THE HECK. i don't want to care anymore! HA Ha ha HA.
we got lost and WHERE ARE WE??? stupid auntie! wanted to sit after walking for awhile shadows being forced to sit
We attempt to walk from Plaza Singapura to Far East Plaza. and we walked all the way to TANGLIN SHOPPING CENTRE -_-"" stupid auntie was complaining that her legs were aching and couldn't walk. so we took bus to Tangs Plaza from TANGLIN ROAD -_-" haha. we were so desperate that we called suzanne and matthew (the bus guide - matthew named by suzanne) for help. hahaha. gah. so malu. haha 2 lu4 chi1 s walking along orchard. :S there was nothing much to shop for at Far East. i spent my money on FOOD again. i'm just a pig lah. RAH. wanted to buy earings. but. decided not to.
had great fun walking with stupid auntie. haha. she saved me several time from being hit by vans. oh my. i just walked across the road like i owned it or something.
i never liked following the crowd. until i saw you. hahaha!