It's Just Me

2007-08-07T19:53:00.000+08:00

Hello.
I guess it's been a long time since i've been here. hahaha.
Well, i've MOVED.
So don't bother reading this blog anymore yea... i don't think you'd get updates like this in the future.
Mmm, you can ask me for my new blog if you want to. If not, well, then i'd just disappear from the cyberworld.

:)
good evening!
Happy National/Asean Day!

2007-06-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

2007-05-16T13:03:00.000+08:00

OH MY
i actually can blog now.
okay la. i'm in school... after completing what i had to do in some English project work.

Haven't been able to post on the blog..
Well, i got a new blog add! :D if you want it, ask from me. if not, i wouldn't bother giving you :)

Anyway, PLEASE BUY THE PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! I know the price is really umm.. quite ridiculous but we really need the sum of money for the administration and for those who needs financial needs and blah for the Sabbaticals, which will give them the opportunity to go to other countries to learn about things out of Singapore. So do do support!

Umm, come to me for details alright. got to go.

:D

Memories of 2007 till now...

2007-05-08T21:03:00.001+08:00

2007-05-07T15:25:00.000+08:00

I guess my emotional cycle runs really quickly. From high to low.
I'm sorry, doctor (i need to think of a new nickname for you. weather forecaster?crazy psychic? ahhh... creepy crawliee. haha.. nah jk. )

those few hours were terrible.
her eyes are swollen now. her eyes are like panda's eye (the one with dark circle)
then, she realises that she's numb.

In Search for true friends

2007-05-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

Sometimes,
I wished that i was a person who doesn't need any company.
I just realised that i'm almost breaking the string that my friends and i are holding. that thin string. I guess it's me who held it so hard, not wanting to move when they want to. It seems like it's going to break.

i don't want to be seen going around trying to fit in or anything.
i don't want sympathy when people see me alone and try making me comfortable. cause it never does.

Maybe i should just remain as a single everywhere i go.
A single human being.
Just me.

2007-05-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

We just got to sign on a mark sheet that recorded all our marks for term 2.
Kendra has improved! 4 A1s, 1 B3, 1 B4, 1C5, 1 C6.
oh well... I need to buck up for History. it's the same grade. as for Physics... I need to be more serious about it!

But really, must thank God for this whole term. Although i was so stressed and busy to the point that i wanted to jump down the building/cut myself/get hit by a car or lorry/etc, He has sustained me and i'm still here! I persevered on and I improved! IN A MATH!!!! HAHA.
I had D7 last term... guess which category (A1, B3, B4, C5, C6) it's in...

...
...
...
...
Well, it's A1!!! WOOHOO!! OH YEA OH YEA!
haha. but that's because the test was on a fairly easy topic... So... oh well. But still, thank God. I never really expected myself to do better this term and it's by His Grace that i'm still here and alive and fighting on. haha.

Oh. Right. I need to improve my Chinese. I got a disgusting B4 for Chinese.
A1! A1!
Hopefully i'd get atleast 6As by the end of year.
oh. and no more Cs next term!!!

2007-05-03T19:16:00.000+08:00

To my dear friend(guess who you are. haha)...
Wanted to tell you how much i missed you when you weren't around. but it sounds so mushy. Wanted to apologise, but i know that no matter how many sorrys i say, that scar in you is still there.
Was glad that we got to talk. It felt like we're back to the past. With you teasing me (like any other people -_-) and me crapping nonsense which made both of us seem quite mad together.
There are just so many things that i want to say... yet so difficult to put them in words.

Well, just to tell you, you're still that dear friend whom i hold in my heart.

What Does Kendra mean? :D

2007-05-03T17:33:00.001+08:00

What Kendra Means

K is for Kinky

E is for Edgy

N is for Neglected

D is for Darling

R is for Responsible

A is for Alert

What Does Your Name Mean?

2007-05-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is all about change, but in very small steps. The end of the journey looks far, but it's much closer than you realize.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

booked June holidays

2007-05-02T19:09:00.000+08:00

Kendra will continue to be busy for the June Holidays.
1st week (28th may - 1st june): booked by School. SUPPLEMENTARY LESSONS. Yes. EVERYDAY except for Vesak day :s
3rd week
10th june - 12th june: Church Camp in Kelong! :D
13th - 15th june: Prefect's camp at bintan! (wow)

Okay... so that's by far the two weeks of my holidays. Plus, exco was told that we might be having a YM camp during the hols too. Okay. so if it's on the 2nd or last week of the hols, i'd only be left with 1 week for myself. And i'd probably have to do work for that one whole week. right.

So, if you want to date Kendra for any reason(lunch, breakfast, sentosa - i want to go!, etc), please book early. Most preferably before 21st May as Kendra would be on her way to Pulau Ubin to feed more mosquitos at the OBS camp.

Haha.
good bye world :D

2007-04-30T19:59:00.000+08:00

Went to watch The Inconvenient Truth with almost the whole cohort of Sec threes with about 2/3 of the teachers. Oh my. it rocks. go buy/borrow the VCD. It's about global warming... and it's based on Al. Gore ( idon't know how to spell his name..ummm.ehem)'s talk on Global Warming and etc. He's a really good speaker, good analogies and good visual aids. rocks. haha. Oh. And it's really a pity that he lost George Bush by 1%(!!!) during the elections for US Presidency in 2000. GAH. Sucks. haha.

Oh... and we've got some surprising good news today.
THE HCL HOD HAVE APPEALED FOR CLDDS TO GO INTO FINALS!
PREPARE FOR MGS CLDDS IN THE DRAMA FINALS!
oh man. i can't describe my feelings about it. And, we're not going to lose our drama teacher. He's going to be back. we're going to go against that CLDDS teacher-in-charge! >.<

oh and yes...
There's this song that was played almost everywhere i went these few days. it's stuck in my head now -_- it's not exactly nice. but it keeps repeating the same tune and lyrics -_-. well well..

Don't Matter

2007-04-29T19:55:00.000+08:00

I cannot believe i did this but i did it.
I woke up at 0620hrs on a sunday morning just to finish some project work stuff and some church stuff.
I've never woken up on Sunday mornings to finish up my work before... not that i remember of any instances... but..oh well, haha. I'm glad i did.

Kendra feels like spending alot of money.
I saw nice shoes, bags, caps (i don't know why i'm so fascinated by caps) and clothes and some accessories.
does anybody want to sponsor me? :D haha.

Sponsoring reminds me of somebody telling me that there's this girl in school who has a boyfriend who gave her $100 to take a cab -_-" Singapore isn't that big to take a $100 worth cab can! And the thing is,he gives her alot of money to buy other stuff too. OH! and i heard he's a AC Barker boy too ~~(barker boys suck.)~~ well, THAT EXPLAINS IT. hahaha.

If i can really find somebody who can sponsor me... $100 for a cab. hahahahahaha. i can probably get some money from that person to go shopping. hahahahahah.
nah. jk. I'd probably run away from that person. Who knows what that person wants from you? :S

Well, Kendra's planning to save money.
Eat less... save money.
Yep. I shall save till i'm satisfied and i can go shop all i want. haha.

2007-04-28T22:03:00.000+08:00

I think i'm like si hui. a dominant volcano.
The more i try to tolerate, the more i'm going to erupt.

I don't know how it sounds when volcano erupts.
boommm. ?

2007-04-28T21:43:00.000+08:00

Kendra has been disgustingly self centred nowadays.
She has been so tired that she tears everynight before she sleeps... which in turn makes her even more tired the next day -_-
She has been wondering why isit that she's never satisfied with anything.
She feels like she's got 2 and more voices within her that makes her crazy.
She's scared. She's tired. She's pissed.
She wonders why isit that people do not do what they are supposed to do.
She wonders if she's going to end up like those people who leave one day, then "get saved" again.
She wonders if this is just a routine.

Kendra has been disgustingly self-centred.
She feels like she's already fallen off the track.
But is there anybody there to pick her?
ha. maybe not a human being.

she's not used to smiling anymore. it feels un-natural.
oh gosh.

2007-04-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

"and we're not going for finals.
why? no explaination, no nothing.
it sucks when you've got an irrinoying teacher-in-charge.
"SO WE'LL GO FOR FINALS."
and what happened?

we're out of competition,
we've got no coach
all thanks to teo lili,
who didn't dare attend the meeting today." - extracted from Mabel's blog.

Well, yeah. i forgot to add in the previous post, CLDDS got into finals.
Believe it or not. FINALS!!! WE GOT SILVER FOR SYF!! MY SCHOOL! It's really by God's grace that we're able to get in.

Yeah. but... you can read the above. My teacher just did something really nice that upset our drama teacher and now, WE'RE GOING TO CHANGE TEACHER.

WOW. this is like the... 3rd teacher we've had?
How many more do we have to change huh?

Time for real updates

2007-04-27T20:29:00.000+08:00

yep. Time for real updates.

Life's been pretty sucky. (i'm probably the one who's sucking more than life)
but today was alright. Except that Val Foo and Cheryl kept on teasing me for no reason... they're getting more and more addicted to it...
"don't know why..kendra's just so tease-able! haha"
thanks ah. What a compliment.

There's been a primary 5 immature girl called Shu Min who has been pestering me since the start of school for no reason. I've been pretty avoidant but she even stalked me to my class...... Umm, well, my class is the first class next to the canteen. BUT, she didn't know! until she stalked me -_-" wow. how fun right. getting stalked by some primary 5 kid. Goodness, i almost got so angry today that i wanted to pour the burning cup of greentea on her.
But nah, i shan't. It would show how immature i was. haha. And to think of it, it's pretty immature.

I crossed the overhead bridge to Mobile to get something to eat when i saw Dorita. (Yes, Doreen's sister. Oh. Darryl's and David's too haha) I accompanied her to wait for her dad for about an hour plus... until i finally persuaded her to call her dad to ask where he is.
He was waiting for her in school.
Oh well... haha.
But it was really nice talking to her. She really is more mature than kids her age. so cool. haha.

I got back my Chemistry test.
I PASSED.
phew!!!
Val, cheryl and i were really really worried about our results. But in the end, cheryl and i got the same marks which was one mark lower than Val. Haha. We've got A anyway. hahaha.

Alright.
That's all.

I think this post sounded really weird. sorry about it huh.

My Best Friend's Wedding

2007-04-27T16:46:00.000+08:00

This scene from the movie, My Best Friend's Wedding, still makes my heart break. This show is about the girl (acted by Julia Roberts) having a guy best friend (i can't remember his name. but he's the one in this video) whom she actually really love. However, she hadn't told him his feelings... and he finally broke the news to her that he was getting married. (Therefore the title, My Best Friend's Wedding) She tried all ways to separate him and his fiance but she couldn't. This scene is when they finally have time to be alone since the start of the Wedding preparations.
You can see how sad her eyes are :( her "loved one" is going to get married to some other woman whom she doesn't even know...

oh well. haha.
I'm getting alittle addicted to youtube now...

2007-04-27T10:51:00.001+08:00

blabla.
i hate to say it but life sucks.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

2007-04-25T19:00:00.000+08:00

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

I love Mary Poppins too!
Actually, i like all musicals. hahaha. enjoy! :D

(I should go study for geography now -_-)

Wouldn't It Be Loverly- My Fair Lady

2007-04-25T17:26:00.000+08:00

This is a small part from the Musical, My Fair Lady.
Ah. I love this movie.

2007-04-23T16:24:00.000+08:00

i got this from val's blog. haha.

1. Who do you hate?
nobody i guess

2. What do you hate?
...

3. Who's your best friend?

4. What's your first period class?
umm.. Monday: Chapel, Tuesday: Physics, Wednesday: Chemistry, Thursday: (can't remember), Friday: Mathematics

5. Do you appreciate good grammar?
YES

6. Are you fluent in any languages other than English?
uh... Chinese. i guess. i only know these 2 languages haha

7. Do you own any band shirts?
Nope.

8. What's the last book you read?
Uhh. "Meant to be"

9. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone (physically or emotionally)?
Many times... last time.

10. Photography or drawing?
photography

11. What color is the shirt you wear to bed?
depends...

12. What lyric can you relate to right now?

13. City or country?
i don't mind any...

14. What magazines are you subscribed to?
None

15. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Nope

16. What's your favorite month?
November. :P haha

17. What color are your eyes?
Black/brown ?

18. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
uhh.. good question. Oh. Miss Potter. I think.

19. If you're listening to music, what song are you listening to?
一下下－同恩

20. Where would you most like to travel to?
London. London. LONDON!

God Speaks... to me!

2007-04-23T15:03:00.000+08:00

During Sunday school yesterday, we learnt about forgiving of sins. The fact that it is possible to forgive, with the Love of God, no matter how difficult it seems to do so. During Sermon yesterday, we learnt about loving our enemies. To be different from the rest of the world and not just love those who are lovable, but the "unlovable" (quoted cause i think that everybody is lovable in one way or another).
Today, during Chapel service, we learnt about being charitable.
And it kind of linked both forgiving and loving enemies together in one sermon.

Well, it's kind of cool how God works. hahaha. (using cool here sounds funny)
He kind of summed up those two together for me today and helped me understand both of them even more.

"Greet your 'enemies' with a smile."
"smile is an act of love"

well, i shall give you some smiles here.
:D :D :) :)

EXHAUSTED

2007-04-21T23:09:00.000+08:00

what does kendra do when she's not in her best moods and feels tired?

she stuffs yoghurt into her stomach until she feels like puking and fat.

doubts doubts and more doubts.
trustworthy? haha. win me over.

2007-04-19T20:10:00.001+08:00

Your Travel Personality Is: The Sophisticate

You're well educated and cultured, and the places you travel to reflect that.
You appreciate the best art, food, architecture, and local flavor.
A true traveler, you are destined to be multi-lingual and very worldly.

What's Your Travel Personality?

Kendra feels better now

2007-04-19T18:52:00.000+08:00

I guess i really have to apologise about the previous post.
I'm another hypocrite isn't it? Saying to love my neighbours but i'm their letting hatred build up. I'm sorry for spoiling some of your images of "Christians", but i hope that you'd realise that Christians are humans too and that they do make mistakes like normal people

Anyway, Kendra feels accomplished!
She walked all the way from MGS to Adams Road food centre. Let's see. how far is that?
Well, how did she do it?

1. 50g of disappointment
2. 10g of depression
3. 30g of tiredness due to lack of sleep
4. 10g of loneliness
5. 10g of confusion

Now, that's what made her walk so far.
Not very far? Oh well, nevermind. At least i saved $0.35 from not taking a bus to the bus stop there. :)

Disgusting

2007-04-17T16:31:00.000+08:00

disgusting.

You seemed sweet and nice last time... I thought you were the nicest person whom i've ever known. Wow nice. wow sweet. wow wow.
I cannot stand the way you're treating me now. You're disgustingly fake. I cannot stand it... urgghhh~~~ you still seem nice. WOW SO NICE. but only to others.
I'm not dumb. really. not to the point that i can't sense anything.
Right. maybe it's just me. i'm just "assuming" things since i haven't really asked you.
but. HA HA HA.
you're supposed to be nice isn't it? Will you even tell the truth?

And YOU.
I don't really know what is wrong with me or you or whatever.. maybe it's just what's happening. but i'm disgusted by the way YOU are treating me too. Did i do anything wrong? Can you please tell me what i have done wrong? I hate to feel this way. it sucks.

Argh. i'm disgusted by the ugliness of the both of you.
i'm even disgusted by myself posting my unhappiness here.

I guess both of you will never know who you are.
it's okay.
You both are beautiful. Just not to me.

"me?"
YES YOU.

2007-04-16T16:30:00.000+08:00

*thunders roar* *lightning strikes*

there was a major thunderstorm just now during CLDDS and I thank God that nobody that i heard of got struck by the lightning or something. the thunder was :S it sounded more than 5 times i believe...

And i was sitting with Mabel... telling her randomly that the world is about to end... All of a sudden, i felt a sense of fear. The world is going to end. I then thought of those whom i treasure very much. What if the building of my school collapse all of a sudden? I wouldn't even get a chance to tell them how much i treasure them or even love them.
Like what mabel said, she haven't been a good Christian yet. She hasn't told her loved ones that she loves them... etc etc.
Then i thought, "me too". I have never really told anybody that i love them before. Never really liked that word because people use it too often, that it doesn't seem true anymore.
I never really used that word.

then i thought, will those people ever know that i really treasure them?

Then, another thought came into my mind. i was reminded of those who haven't received Christ yet. Have i been even trying to bring them to christ? Are we waiting for them to come to us? Shouldn't we be the ones approaching them to tell them about the Good News?

What if the World suddenly just collapse now?
Regrets? regrets? More regrets?

Still fat... :/

2007-04-14T22:03:00.000+08:00

It's not working -_-

I thought i could pyscho myself to not "feel fat" by going jogging this morning. It's not working. haha. i don't even feel like eating when i'm hungry now. -_-

Haha. oh, must really apologise to Gina, Charlene, Lawrence and Clement.
As I went jogging around 9 plus 10 this morning and had my breakfast (which consisted of some soft boiled egg which tasted really weird) after that and i didn't wear a watch, I got alittle carried away by "eating".
Then, while i was walking to the bus stop, past the crowds, i realised that it was 1141hrs. 0_0
Worship practice is at 1130hrs.
Gah. felt really really guilty.
However, i took a cab down. So. Yea. I reached there at 1200hrs.
But still, if you ever get to read this(probably not), I just want to apologise!
SORRY!

uh, just on the random note, Kendra's got a really bad headache.
Really really bad
RAH :S

In Love With You - Jacky Cheung & Regine

2007-04-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

In Love with You - Jacky Cheung & Regine Velasquez

Oh man, haha. just heard this song on 933.
Can't remember how old this song is already... -_- hahaha.

2007-04-13T20:45:00.000+08:00

Kendra is disgustingly fat.
Rahhhhhh

Anyway, i shall reply some tags here.

To Jing Yi: Eh. Toa Payoh Pool very far meh? hahaha. My house area is only an overhead bridge away from Toa Payoh anyway. And... who's that person whom i resemble? -_-

To Meimei: haha. thanks

To Joanne: Umm.. yes.. can see that too. hahaha

To HuiYu: Yeah. my mom looks quite.. interesting in that Korean costume hahaha.

Kendra is disgustingly fat.
aHHH

I'm being random

2007-04-12T19:32:00.000+08:00

Some random nice photo.

:D Me and Grace(ieeee)

Kendra feels accomplished.

2007-04-11T16:50:00.000+08:00

Kendra feels accomplished.
ahaha.

Yep. I... walked home today and baked brownies! haha.
How did i get so much time to bake brownies? hahaha. Oh well, we had our annual swimming meet finals (intra-school competition) so we were dismissed "earlier". However, we were dismissed 40 minutes earlier. and it was at Toa Payoh pool. so i decided to walk home.

I had my first attempt of baking brownie with the brownie fudge mix... It was pretty scary. I'd rather mix my own. haha. cause i couldn't exactly estimate the time and i don't even know if the brownie is supposed to taste like it is now. But oh well, i feel great. haha. after baking.

I think i'm getting into the house~~wife~~girl mood. I started to wash dishes yesterday and felt like mopping the floor today. Hmm. shall mop my room floor tomorrow if i've got time. It feels... disgusting. haha.
oh well, i guess it's a good way at least to stop you from thinking about the unhappy things.

However, i NEED to go jogging. seriously. I don't care about flu anymore. I'm going to jog tomorrow.
(somebody please force me. i'm growing fatter)

2007-04-10T09:49:00.000+08:00

I have to dedicate this post to somebody...
...
...

MY MOM!

It was her birthday on sunday...

HAPPY *belated BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY *belated BIRTHDAY TO MOMMY~~~~

HAPPY *belated BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

haha. it's your **th birthday already! (getting old ehem)

(actually, really hope that you don't know that this blog exists...)

Have you realised?

2007-04-09T19:39:00.000+08:00

Haven't you realised that it was Easter?
Where were you?
What were you doing?
Weren't you the one saying all those "church-ie" stuff to me the other time?
Where were you on an Easter sunday?
Did you even know that it was Easter?

God is amazing

2007-04-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

God IS amazing.

DJW has been like a routine thing to MGS every year during the Holy week before Good Friday and Easter and MGS girls are normally sleeping or just listening for the sake of listening. Whenever there's a protocol, only a few brave hands will shoot up. Sometimes, even none. However, yesterday, God moved those hearts.

We all felt God's presence. We cannot deny.
Whispers of prayers were all around. Then, when Pastor Jeremy asked who would like to receive or resubmit themselves to Christ, more than 1/2 the hall stood up.
Can you imagine?
Never did this happen before. Even Mrs Yap said that there were too many people and could not fit them into the chapel.

Well, I thank God that this has happened. I thank God that the Spirit has finally moved hearts that were frozen, that were unwilling.

Now, let's just see how we would grow in the Lord, as a school.

"lay down your burdens before me... "
thank You, Lord.

Deep into depression

2007-04-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

i feel like a loser. a hypocritic.
There were many times when i said how great God is and how i let God move in my life. However, at this point of time, it feel like i haven't done much of surrendering. No matter how much i tried, i couldn't let it go. It haunts me when i'm alone, when I don't have anything occupying my time.

I shocked my classmates this morning by crying before assembly, which i felt really guilty about. I'm so sorry for shocking you. I don't really know why those tears dropped. I think i shocked Si Hui too... "er, i think i should tell you a joke... ..." :) thanks. I know you tried.

I don't really know what i'm doing now. I'm supposed to be living with Hope in my life, yet, i am still allowing myself to sink deep into hopelessness. I live everyday so hope that the day will pass quicker, quicker than how it's passing. I strike out day after day hoping that the holidays will come quicker.
I feel like giving up.
I can't even control my own emotions, my own thoughts. Those 2 voices that each take different sides are making me crumble.

I really can't take it anymore, Lord.
Help.

Depression takes over

2007-04-02T19:26:00.000+08:00

Depression has seemed to over take.

Maybe there is something that can cheer me up. For a moment.
Maybe there is somebody who can make me smile for awhile. For just that while.
Maybe there is some incident that can make me laugh out loud. but only for a few minutes.

she can't take it anymore. she doesn't know the reason.
she can't seem to put it in words. those tears don't help in any way. telling you doesn't seem to help either. she knows that it's all in her mind. she should just be happy. "what's so difficult about that?"
you just don't understand.

"persevere..."

The Wonderful Cross

2007-04-02T19:22:00.000+08:00

The Wonderful Cross
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

Kendra is officially.. drained.

2007-03-30T21:20:00.000+08:00

KENDRA IS OFFICIALLY DRAINED OUT.

and i have resorted to eating. haha. no la. i was just feeling hungry after every 3 - 4 hours today..which was pretty abnormal. Goodness, hope that it wouldn't continue.. i don't want to grow fat!

anyway, have been really really drained out by school for this whole week. I felt like 2 weeks passed at a time.
It has been an emotional + mental roller coaster. There was a sudden pile of work to be done on one particular day and there was suddenly so much going on. It was really stressful.
Well, after completing all of them, I've got NO WORK LEFT FOR THE WEEKENDS! (sort of)
heh. Hurray!

What i really wanna do now is to just slack and sleep for 10 hours (if possible.. :/) and heck care about what is happening in the world. hahahaha.

thank You Lord for guiding me through.
i know that You have heard me every morning...
thank You.

2007-03-30T21:14:00.001+08:00

ON THE 16th MARCH, 2007...

we went to serangoon central...

chinatown...

Ang Mo Kio.. and celebrated Matthew's birthday...

Orchard...

and Little India..

Sounds like some outing huh.. hahaha.
it was... sort of...

Bombarded with problems/questions

2007-03-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

It is indeed a long day.

why isit that you always have to come ask me questions when i'm stressed out with the assignments that i've got to complete? There are other people out there you can ask. If those minutes are not comprehensible, go and ask the one who wrote the minutes.

why isit that )$%*72'350138571308!#$#^%%^3543p9u6$*%^@9345802395P@^*$)@ ??

and why isit that...
nevermind.forget it.

Right. and i did the wrong exercise for Math holiday assignment.
Right. i had cldds till 6 today having only 2 non-thorough practices.
Right. i'm broke.
right. right. right.

oh. i was nominated as prefect again today.
i've decided that i do not want to be one. i'd be telling Ms Lau tomorrow that.
sorry Vicky/Gracie... thanks for nominating.

2007-03-26T20:24:00.000+08:00

Have been hearing people going "oh my god!" nowadays and it really irritates me.

We are all taught to not use God's name in vain. Especially not as a swear word or something... So why are we hearing it all over in a Christian Mission School? I've been keeping it in, not wanting to tell those hypocrites (who call themselves Christians) off. However, they're getting so comfortable with it that they can say it repeatedly 3,4 times in 5 seconds. urgh.

Sometimes, i really wonder what i can do. Let them say it since it's from their own mouth? Or, for preventing myself for being uncomfortable with it, tell them to stop?

those tears rolled just like how it rained this morning. uncontrolled.
maybe it's those monday blues...
life will get better.

2007-03-24T20:45:00.000+08:00

" and i can't do anything about it... i can't do anything..."

I haven't been sleeping well nowadays. Actually, for the past few months. I remember having sleeping disorder. it sucks. I wake up 1/2 hour after i fall asleep everynight and have difficulty falling back to sleep after that. Now, i only get about 6 hours of sleep or less each day. It may be more than a few of you, but it's really making my temper get bad and my energy level to drop. Gah. Can somebody just knock my head and let me die or something? Not enough sleep contributes to my distracted-ness, my bad temper-ness and etc. gah.

it's funny. i thought i've got out of that low low point of the graph already. but all of a sudden. TA DA. i'm back again. It just seems like there're always problems for me to solve everyday.

Oh well, life still rocks!
it's just that I suck :D

TIRED

2007-03-23T22:18:00.000+08:00

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Good night.

Do I have that much Faith in Him?

2007-03-22T20:43:00.000+08:00

I was watching a flash movie at www.donghaeng.net about faith.
The guy was on some mountain or rock or something, and the rocks were chipping off, he's going to die anyway if he doesn't get away from that mountain or rock or something. He prayed to God, asking for help. God told him to jump. jump so that he can get to the other side. He was afraid... the gap between the mountain or rock or something between the other side was too big. He didn't dare to jump. God said again, "jump". He then took up the courage and jumped.

He did jump into the gap. However, he landed. He landed on a shorter mountain or rock or something, that had a staircase leading to the other side.

This then reminded me of when we did trust fall during Leader's Retreat. I was the only one who struggled emotionally... I did not have faith. My brothers and sisters in Christ were all ready to catch me. Yet i struggled. I didn't have faith.
"what if i'm too heavy for them to catch?"
"what if they suddenly let go because of some particular reason?"
"what if...? what if...?"
However, after awhile, i "fell". The emotions within was mixed, my mind at that moment went blank. "I 'fell' already?"

Then, i thought about how much Faith i had in God.
I knew my brothers and sisters are there ready to support me, yet i didn't dare. Was it the same for me when it came to trusting in God? Have I been asking God for help yet not believing that He has another way of helping me?

This reminded me once again to put all my Faith and trust in Him. Human beings may let go, may not be able to catch me. But I know He will. He always will.

zombie-fied

2007-03-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

I thought about friendship once again today and i feel guilty for not being a good friend to others. I thought of those whom i got really close to and just because of some things, that relationship broke. I thought of those whom i enjoyed talking to last time, but they suddenly disappeared. It just seemed like there's a wall between us or something.

I thought of you. My sms-buddy. haha. I thought we would remain as good friends "forever". however, that "forever" only lasted for 3+years. I remembered those sweet little things you said, those prayers you prayed for me when i feared school, those few phone calls that we made to each other. I remembered you complaining about her not treasuring your friendship. However, thinking back now, haven't you done that to me too? I don't know what separated us. I can't remember the last message we sent to each other... I tried to understand. You are busy with O'levels.... But O'levels have ended already. what happened? haha. thinking about it, i've been pretty naive, thinking that you still treasure me as you said you did. Well, maybe you still do...but i don't feel it anymore.

Well, maybe it's true. Some friends stay for a reason, season and lifetime. Am I one of them? Remaining in somebody's life for just one reason, just one season...?
I'm not trying to be emo here or anything. It's just some thoughts.

Samuel Yee! Remember that you're always a treasured friend to me! (eh! it rhymes! haha!)

hohoho

2007-03-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

Many classes had changes in seating arrangements. So did 3M.
From sitting in the centre of the class, i'm now at the back of the class, a table away from the door. haha. I'm really, really contented with my seat now. I'm sitting between Cheryl and Val foo now. Well, we had a priviledge of choosing the person whom we want to sit near to... so cheryl and i chose each other. haha. As for Val Foo, she wasn't as happy... she chose Steph..but. HAHA. Stephanie is sitting right at the other corner of the class, right in front. -_- oh well.
but, i really miss Grace. haha. We're both sitting at the back row of the class, but at the 2 corners.

Anyway, we had PT for PE on Tuesday.. oh man. Now everybody has some parts of the body muscles aching. hahaha. We ran 4 rounds, sprint 2 rounds, and did all the crazy strenghtening exercises. Mine's my legs and waists... I take like forever to walk around now. hahaha. and we're going to have it for 3 more weeks. God help me persevere!

sometimes, it really irritates me that you're so understanding. too understanding. rah.
why are you so nice? too nice... too nice.

Leaders' Retreat!

2007-03-20T20:19:00.000+08:00

Leaders' Retreat '07!

doing disc profiling (again)

"steady... "

ehem. gay. ehem.

TRUST FALL

I need to...

2007-03-19T16:06:00.000+08:00

Kendra needs to lose 2 kg!

No more chocolates - be it dark or milk or white (i don't eat white chocolate actually)
No more fast foods - DO NOT SUGGEST KFC FOR LUNCH ON WEEKENDS
No more junk food
No more fried food
More fruits and vegetables each day
Less meat
GO JOGGING
Start dating Si Hui for badminton! (haha! sihui, please be free!)
Walk home everyday... ...?
GO WINDOW SHOPPING

haha. alright. i don't really know if window shopping will help me lose weight or something. but nevermind. haha. I need to go on a healthy diet too... So, please do not try to tempt me into eating all those junk. I have already set my mind on losing weight!

I Love You Lord, Greater than Anything

2007-03-18T18:38:00.000+08:00

I love You Lord, greater than anything
I love You Lord, more than my heart could sing
I love You Lord, more than i love myself
I love You Lord, I love You Lord, I love You Lord.

I worship You, high above everything
I worship You, with all that my heart could sing
I worship You, oh let my life give praise
I worship You, I worship You, I worship You

I lift my hands, I am a sacrifice
I lift my hands, my body and soul a prize
I lift my hands, all that i have is Yours
I lift my hands, I lift my hands, I lift my hands

Hallelujah, This is my song of praise
Hallelujah, I'll worship You all my days
Hallelujah, all that I am is Yours
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

2007-03-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

It's quite ironic how busy i can be during the holidays...

Well, I thank God that although the holidays were pretty tiring (Eastcoast, Leaders' Retreat,Recce etc etc etc.), i enjoyed it.
It wasn't a total rest. But at least I did things that i really enjoyed.

My Uncle (my dad's brother) has just come back from China since he "disappeared" and was "missing in action" for the past 1 - 2 years. He called my house one night not recognising me and speaking to me oh-so-properly. haha. (when i was about to fall asleep -_-")

Kendra: Hello... ...
Uncle: Umm... Who is this?
Kendra: (eh?) Who are you looking for?
Uncle: Umm.. is this Lawrence Ang's Residence?
Kendra: Yes... May i know who you're looking for?Uncle: I'm um...can i speak to my mother please?
Kendra: OH uncle ah... (I called him uncle in dialect btw...) She's asleep.
Uncle: Yes yes. What about my brother?
Kendra: Uh, he's sleeping also.
Uncle: then nevermind...

And he never acknowledged me. He probably forgot my name or something. since he's been gone for like.. donkey years.
So, he came over to my house on thursday night..when i was feeling like a zombie. He looks different, with long hair and all. He looks older than my dad even though my dad's older.. haha. And he's got this interesting Chinese Accent when he speaks Chinese which seems weird to me.
oh well, at least he's finally come back after those donkey years. He must have alot to catch up with my Granny... He's bringing her out tomorrow. haha.

Oh well, i was listening to the conversation between he and my dad and it really amazes me how two people whose characters are two worlds apart can be brothers.
It's alittle like me and my sis... just that we're not THAT different. haha. hmm, just that she sometimes speaks like me and looks like me -_-".

Alright. Enough of my comments.
Holidays are ending... .... .. ...
and i just did a countdown calendar to June Hols :P

East coast!

2007-03-16T20:30:00.000+08:00

EASTCOAST!!

Sleepyhead

2007-03-13T11:16:00.000+08:00

"i feel tired... *yawn*"
"you're always tired."
"Kendra's always sleeping"

I just started wondering why isit that i'm always lethargic and not energetic (they are the same meaning i think) and the reason why i always seem to be sleeping or about to fall asleep.
I guess it was after that time that i start to use sleeping as an excuse to not hear things that i do not want to hear, use sleeping as a way to run away from things.

It really isn't a nice feeling to have people talking about you or hear people talking bad about people. Sometimes, it's only when they think that you're asleep that they'd show their true colours.
Ugliness of people.

Don't wake me up when i'm sleeping will you?

Irony Irony Irony

2007-03-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

The first feeling i had this morning when i just woke up was "estatic". I immediately messaged a good morning message to doctor and was haha-ing more than usual. (although i "haha" quite alot in messages...)
I still had that HIGH~ feeling while walking to church. I almost skipped to church. However, right after i reached Shop N Safe in Toa Payoh, i lost those high-ness that i had. I lost all the energy. I stoned.

s-t-o-n-e.

Then, i started to zi-high again when i reached East Coast. but right after a few minutes, my feelings when down swing again.
I guess this is the biggest moodswing that i had ever felt in a day, after Friday.
It just seemed queer.
I don't want to give the excuse of saying that it's a phase of puberty or something. But really, i don't know why i was behaving like i was today.
Forgive me.

"forgive me".
HA. I'm reading a book now which is like a volume of Sierra Jensen books.
She said something about the 2 phrases that can withstand a relationship. Be it friendship or kinship or whatever.
"forgive me" and "thank you".
It just seems like it gets harder and harder to say those two phrases when you get closer to a person. You somehow start to take that person for granted.

Hmm. Well, now that i'm reminded, "forgive me" and "thank you" shall always be in Kendra's dictionary.

2007-03-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

i don't know. i'm getting annoyed now.

why isit that people come on saturdays for worship practice and not for the cg workshops?
why isit that people come for service but not for sunday school?
why isit that people can ensure that they don't be late for exams yet be late for sunday services and they do not seem to change?
why isit that people try their best to pay attention during classes yet not during sermon times?
why isit that people can wake up at 7 in the morning to go for outings to e.g. sentosa but complain about waking up early to attend the prayer meeting?
why isit that two churches in one building just can't seem to love one another?

why isit that things like this always happen at this part of the year?
why isit that you just can't seem to change?
why isit that you're still as hypocritical as you are?
why isit that people call themselves Christians yet they don't seem to be or even try to be like one?

why am i here typing all these?
who am i to judge?

blah.
goodnight.

--- speechless

2007-03-10T20:17:00.000+08:00

speechless.
Sometimes, i just look at things and try not to be involved. I'd be the observer.
however, it doesn't seem to work. I know that something has to be done. what?

Sometimes, relationships are just so fragile. You might just lose a friend because of carelessness and you'd never get him/her back again.
That's probably why they say that kinship is the strongest. cause you'd always have the same blood as your family and they would always always support and forgive you. they'd always love you.
~~whatever~~
But we still need friends. so how now brown cow?
~~moo~~

i don't know. nothing seems to make sense to me now. Not even this blog post.
i shall just continue stoning :)

she looks at her friends and sighs.

8th March

2007-03-08T19:43:00.000+08:00

Nobody likes it when people don't trust him/her. Likewise, i don't like it when people don't believe me. especially somebody whom i call "good" friend.
I am not feeling well. It's not because i didn't want to run for cross country that i feign my sickness. No. I do not want you to explain. just ~~listen~~read.
I know that i always seem to be sick, always trying to skip school, skip PE etc for the past few weeks. but i am guilty of those actions that i've done. (although i was really really sick).
I thought you were somebody who understood. Who trusted me. Never have i thought that you're like those who gave me the "ya-right" looks when i said that i was feeling unwell.
You know how that feels. You have felt it before. You complain that people don't understand. Well, have you even tried to understand me?

Well, I don't need any apology cause apology doesn't matter to me now.
I just want to let you know that it really hurt me.

Today, while cheering for the 1st few B-div girls who were nearing the finishing line, i was touched by a scene.
"Go Audrey!" Charissa screamed and cheered. Audrey looked at her and smiled and continued jogging. She kept looking back to check on York Ying, her good friend. Her friend doesn't seem to be able to make it... but she continues to encourage her. "don't care about her, JUST RUN!"
She still looked back. York Ying then sped and caught up with Audrey. "see? she's going to want to overtake her!"
then, Audrey sort of smiled and started sprinting together with York Ying.

It was a scene that showed true friendship. To me.
It's something that some people really can't do. To not bother about whatever rank or whatever people say, just to help her friend.
Although i don't know who passed by the cones first, i know that in the end, the rank didn't matter.

2007-03-07T19:33:00.000+08:00

I MISS MY SOCCER BUDDY!
I miss sms-ing you while watching soccer like what we did last year! haha!

Oh yes, it's Hin Ann's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HIN ANN! :D
i miss my dear jie mei too .. haha. let's go out again one day!

High Kendra?

2007-03-06T19:49:00.001+08:00

Kendra's mood has improved and she's high today.
(well, partially because of Cheryl Yeo's introduction to a "VERY CUTE SONG" from her MP3 player which caused us to sing it for the first part of the day)

Well, i just thought about how people would think of me. They'd probably think i'm some crazy person with moodswings that goes up and down for no reason.
And now, i'm going crazy about songs. Like zhuan1 shu3 tian1 shi3 by Tank. It's stuck in my head for the whole of last night and this morning... And after the introduction of the song, Bao3 bei4 by Cao2 Ge2, it got stuck for a really really long time... and i'm repeating it on my media player now. hahahahaha. oh crap. i'm going really high now that i don't even know what i'm typing about.

It's finally the 6th of March! Heh! 3 MORE DAYS TILL SCHOOL HOLIDAYS!
okay, it doesn't really feel like the holidays are coming... but, i'm still glad that we'd get a week of rest... (sort of)

oh, and yes, i've finally got a library book to read during the holidays. I haven't borrowed a book in months because of the overdued fines and stuff :P hahaha. but i've cleared them today! HA!
Oh, and i was pretty annoyed by 3 teenage guys from a particular school who sat in the National Library looking at girls. They're like those who go to KAP to see girls... it's only the difference in location -_-"
oh well, it was really disturbing while looking for a particular book to read because of their stares and stuff. And they practically stared at every teenage girl they saw -_-

Alright. shan't comment much. haha.

Do They See Jesus in Me?

2007-03-05T18:18:00.000+08:00

Do They See Jesus in Me?
Is the face that I see in the mirror
The one I want others to see
Do I show in the way that I walk in my life
the love that youve given to me
my hearts desires is to be like you
in all that i do all that i am

Chorus:
Do they see Jesus in me
Do they recognize your face
Do I communicate your love
And your grace
Do I reflect who you are
In the way I choose to be
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me

well Its amazing that you'd ever use me
but use me the way you will
help me to hold out a heart of compassion and grace
a heart that your spirit fills
May I show forgiveness and mercy
the same way you've shown it to me

(chorus)

Well i wanna show all the world
that you are the reason i live and breathe
so you'll be the one that they see
when they see me

(chorus)

Xiao Shou La Da Shou - Fish Leong

2007-03-04T18:28:00.001+08:00

hmm

2007-03-04T18:04:00.000+08:00

Why do we pray when even when Jesus has forgiven our sins by dying on the cross?
this is a question i asked myself and ke xi asked us during Sunday School today.
As we have established, the people in the Old Testament sacrificed animals as burnt offerings to ask God for forgiveness but it doesn't mean that God has forgiven their sins when they offer those offerings. It is only when Jesus Christ died that we are forgiven...

So if we are forgiven, why isit that we always pray for forgiveness when we(know that) sin?

Ke Xi explained that to him, human beings have 2 kinds of sins. One is the natural one, that is Adam and Eve sinning against God, thus all human beings have that sin "naturally" when we're born. The other is the sins that we human beings commit conscious/sub-consciously, that we need to ask forgiveness for.
So when Jesus Christ came, He died for the 1st type of sin; natural one. As for praying, it is praying for the sins that we ourselves have committed.

That is his point of view.

What about yours?

2007-03-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small
all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all
each little flower that opens, each little bird that sings
He made their glowing colours, He made their tiny wings

He gave us eyes to see them, and lips that we might tell
how great is God Almighty, who has made all things well...

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
the Lord God made them all...

Surprise surprise

2007-03-01T16:14:00.000+08:00

It is really really really hard to be a role model, to influence people to believe what you believe.
Everyday when i prayed, i have that guilt in me, not being a good testimony for God... that people do not see Jesus in me.
Looking back at what i say, what i do, it really doesn't reflect who Jesus is, what a Christian should be like. I'm always reminded of those whom i love who are still out there, living without receiving Christ, without knowing that there's a Saviour... either that, or they have forgotten about God. It really saddens me to see them hurt themselves, to hear them say words that are... HMM..

It is always a joy to see people coming in to church, for Service or sunday school or even events such as captain's ball. However, do they really know the purpose that we Christians go to Church for? Are they really seeking for what they lack in their lives? Or are they just coming for the sake of coming?

I've got a friend who tells me how fun her church is, when every week starts,she looks forward to having fun on weekends. She would then tell me the events that happen, barbequeue etc etc. Then, it always strucks me... what is her purpose for going to church? What is mine?

Have we been trying our best to bring people to Christ? Do we even have the urgency to do so? Or are we just procrastinating and waiting for their other Christian friends to do so?
Honestly, why are we still waiting?

I brought somebody to Christ... yet ...i think i accidentally made her leave Christ...

2007-03-01T15:52:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago... ...

We were supposed to go to the computer lab for English. As weileng and I were walking together toward the computer lab, we saw ms Lau with a terrified primary 1 girl. Ms Lau then told me and Wei Leng to bring the little girl back while she had to teach the class. So i held the girl's hand and started walking her back.
"Kendra! you're going to be such a great mommy next time!" cried Cheryl from the back. -_-" whatever.

Then, when we were at the primary block, Ms Soh walked past.
Kendra: Hi ms soh!
Ms Soh: (looks shocked) is she yours?
Kendra: huh??(looks at the pri 1 girl) NO
Ms Soh: (laughs) you gave me a shock!
Kendra: shock? shock what? No lah!
Wei Leng starts laughing...

-_-" do i look like a mother?

Mrs Ng seems to be really high today during History.

Mrs Ng: you know where Jews go to worship right?
Kendra: Synagogue...
Mrs Ng: Yes. So when you throw an orange into the synagogue, what happens?
3M+3H+3... (i don't know): uhh.... ... ?
Mrs Ng: Jews (juice) will come out.
3M+H+i don't know : -_-"

Mrs Ng: Yes. Although our government is effecient, it doesn't mean that we're very civilised... ... ... we're always rushing...
Mrs Ng: ... we shouldn't be called Singaporeans. We should be called Russians (rushians)

2007-02-28T04:24:00.000+08:00

tossing and turning.
thinking and thinking.

i'm super stressed. over some little things that i could have done earlier. Like the preparations for the English oral and the research i could have done MUCH MUCH earlier for Geography assignment. So, I'm now rushing all those in one night and one morning. how great.

kendra, you suck.

I hear it everywhere. Stress is normally contributed by oneself...
yeah. i contributed the stress to myself.
Goodness. How i wish i would just heck care those marks that i'm going to get for English oral and for the Geography assignment.
but i can't. goodness.
I can't let Nicole down by not doing my part for the assignment.
Neither can i fail ANYMORE subjects for this CA.

Failing Higher Chinese is enough.
Surprising huh? Yes. I failed my chinese. Wow wow wow.
now everybody is super demoralised and depressed about their Chinese results. To think that i'm actually comforting them and encouraging them when even i myself felt that pain.
It's about pride. Arrogance. Pride.
Have you people ever thought why you would fail?

It sucks to fail. everybody knows. Especially when you think that you can do much better in that subject.
So. what are you going to do? pout for the rest of the year? Just keep thinking "i have failed chinese... i have failed chinese..."?
WAKE UP.
It doesn't mean that you have failed completely as long as you stand up and work harder for the next test.
Secondary 3 life is tough. i know. it sucks at times.
but only with the change of attitude, then you can see the beauty of life.

oh right. to think that i'm actually typing all these at 4 am in the morning -_-"
I'd better go finish up what i wanted to finish at this unearthly hour.

she thinks. she speaks.
she smiles. she walks away.

3M.. DOWN

2007-02-27T17:50:00.000+08:00

12 people in 3M are genuinely sick today and all had either cramps or flu or for Cheryl's case, knee pain.
Cheryl toldme not to take P.E. today as she didn't want me to get sicker and continue spreading the virus that is around 3M now,since i haven't fully recovered from flu (and i sound HORRIBLE.). so i didn't. and i don't know why. EVERYBODY seems sick now. Many had headache, flu, stomach cramps. So, 4 didn't take P.E. today, 4 were in Sickbay during P.E., 2 or 3 were down with really bad stomach cramps after running awhile.
Everybody was really ill. The morale was low... the atmosphere was disgustingly low. Everybody was so gloomy. haha.
Cheryl will then say.. "Thanks to WHO huh?!" and look at me with the smirk.
Yes, yes. I know. it's all my fault. i'm the one who went to school sneezing and coughing and causing you all to be down with flu... haha.
So. Lesson learnt.
Do not go to school when you're sneezing and coughing and having fever.

HAHA. then i wouldn't have gone to school for the whole month already.
I HAVEN'T RECOVERED YET!

Had to clean the floor of the back of the canteen this afternoon due to the spillage of paints yesterday while painting the Family Night Banner.
and WHOA. The smell of turpentine sucks. The smell is still on my hands.... urgh.
oh well, at least WE ROCK! we've cleaned up most of the painted floor and it looks less... painted. haha. And the lousy black paint actually helped in removing the better paints. hahaha. OH WELL. haha.

Hmm. Alright. I've gtg chiong for school work now. Die. i hate research.

oh. just one thought... why isit that people are so ~~two-face-d~~double-faced? they smile at you when they see you, but they probably roll their eyes after they walked passed you.
do you do that to your "friends" too?

Feelings

2007-02-26T19:40:00.000+08:00

you speak. you speak and YOU SPEAK.
how many times do you want to hint to me?
how long do you want to comment?
i'm sick and tired of hearing from you. Everyday.
While watching tv, while talking, while EVERYTHING.
i hate it. i really hate it.
have you ever thought of how you'd feel when you're in my ... FLIP FLOPS? (gah)
I know. i should not be so self-centred and think about it in YOUR point of view.
i know... i know your concern. but HELLO. i have my own life. i've got to make my decision.
STOP TRYING TO CHANGE MINE.
argh.
i try to not listen, try to be indifferent. but i can't alright.
and all you do is just talk. and talk. and talk.
i'm sick and tired of it already.
just shut up.
PLEASE SHUT UP.

it suddenly seems so hard to love you.
everybody loves their ******.
except for me i guess.
i'm starting to dislike you. haha.
~~yep. and i don't feel any guilt about it.~~

i'm sorry about the rantings once again.
it's just that, i can't find anybody to rant to. (except for my beloved blog HA HA)
sorry.

2007-02-26T17:20:00.000+08:00

What A Friend We Have in Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

We sang this song during Chapel this morning and it really encouraged me in everyway. it reminded me that... yeah. Jesus called us His friend, told those who are weary and burdened to go to Him and He will "give you rest".(Matt 11:28-30)
So why are we still struggling without our own burdens and not submitting it all to Him?

Tu Ran Lei Le - JJ Lin

2007-02-25T18:23:00.001+08:00

2007-02-25T18:02:00.000+08:00

I finally bought my waterbottle... and it cost me $5.95... okay. i'm being aunty-fied here. but it's okay.. haha. it's a pooh one. it can cheer me up in school hahaha.
Chinese New Year visiting was fun yesterday. Ate and ate and ate. goodness. time to jian3 fei2. haha.
Went to Maylin's house then the Soon's house then Linghui's house then Weifeng's and lastly Clement's house. It was a really nice feeling to go visiting together with the YMers haha. It was a sense of warmth. haha. i don't know. maybe it's just me.

I'm supposed to be home to study Chemistry and Geography. but eh. HMM.. hahaha. okay okay. i'd go study soon.

Fine. i shall do it now :D goodbye!

i'm not a superhero girl.
one after another it comes.
what do you want from me, world? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
"it's only the beginning of the year for goodness sake. what is wrong with life?"

2007-02-23T20:10:00.000+08:00

~~Sometimes, i try giving myself excuses to have moodswings.~~
"you're PMS-ing. you'd get over it"
"it's just part of life"
"you are just at the age that you'd get unstable emotions"

Sometimes, i try really hard to make myself happy when my moodswings low.
"you are my sunshine..."
"ha ha ha ha"

When i do get moodswings, i'd suddenly look down on myself and try to swing it high again.
"why are you being so emo like the other people?"
"what are you doing? trying to attract attention by being low? get a life!"

Ardnek is scolding Kendra.
oh great.
sometimes, i just feel like giving up.
It's not that i've thought of anything. Or ANYTHING, A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G happened. My mood just SWINGS. argh.
"what is happening to you?"
i don't know. growing up?

I've got a great family.
i've got great friends.
i am blessed.
why aren't I acting like i am?

Maybe i should just stop all these. you must be sick of reading.
i'd recover.
Life still rocks. it really still does :)

ARH

2007-02-23T18:58:00.003+08:00

eat eat eat.
de-stress de-stress de-stress.

let's see.. the amount of junk food Kendra ate today.
at 4.30 am while studying for social studies: dark chocolate
at 6am in the morning after breakfast: a piece of pineapple tart
at 5pm during CCA: a few love letters
at 6.53pm after dinner: kit kat

oh man oh man... HELP
i'm getting addicted to junk food which is... :/
I DONT WANT TO GROW FAT.
considering the fact that i HAVE already put on weight and grown fat.
I WANT TO JIAN FEI -_-
and how dumb. i've not recovered yet and i've already eaten so much junk.
this is crap. oh help oh help.
I need to go for some rehab.
It's really contradicting. my reason for not going running is because i'm sick. AND I'M EATING JUNK WHEN I AM SICK?? oh crap. what am i thinking?

okay. so no more junk food, kendra. no more junk. you shall eat proper meals and sleep well, rest well and recover. and you can go running.

RAH RAH RAH
diet diet diet! DE-STRESS!

don't be surprised.
i'd leave one day.

i'm sick again..

2007-02-22T18:40:00.000+08:00

*sniff* *sniff*
My nose is super blocked now. grr.
And as expected, i didn't go to school today AGAIN.
yep. again.
I've been missing school every 2 weeks either on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. Maybe next time i can try monday and friday -_-" .

And why didn't i go to school? haha. cause i'm down with f-l-u again.
yep. the flu bug doesn't seem to stop bugging me. It's annoying as i'm never fully recovered before i fall sick again. Now i really wish that i would be attacked by some dengue fever or stomach flu or whatever and go to the hospital and be able to stay there for a week or so to recover fully before i do anything. Staying at home doesn't really help...

My mom says that it is most probably because of stress that's why i've fallen sick. And i think my parents are alittle "traumatised" by me running into their room after having a nightmare last night. My dad thinks that it was because of Sec 2 adventure camp -_-. Man, why would i be traumatised by it... -_- and now he's being hesitant about allowing me to go OBS. RAH. ~~overprotective~~ I mean, i'd rather be traumatised than to not go. hahaha.

Hmm. Maybe the reason why i'm sick again IS because of stress. hmm... hahaha.
Whatever. "don't think about it, Kendra".
Yep.

oh, but really.. thinking back. I really want to sheng1 ge4 da4 bing4 and end up in hospital and rest there. I heard that you would lose weight when you stay in the hospital too. hahaha.

my heart starts to beat quickly.
i feel like giving up...
hold on!

Out with Linghui and Minghui

2007-02-21T16:21:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year day 3

2007-02-21T15:50:00.000+08:00

Went out with Linghui and Minghui yesterday to watch Just Follow Law. HAHAHA
Was quite an... ... interesting show. But i really hated the ending. Super dumb and lame.
-_-
oh well, go watch it if you're interested to know what the ending is... haha.

Hmm. And i spent my time watching JJ Lin Jun Jie's concert on Channel U on Monday. haha. i was practically going crazy about him playing the piano. hahaha. I don't know why, but it's really nice to see guys playing the piano... to me la. hahaha.
I remember being mesmorised by JJ playing on Jin1 Qu3 Jiang3 a few years back... ... ... ... ... ...

Okay. back to reality.
Didn't do really much on the second day of new year.
Chinese New Year seems to get pretty... boring sometimes. especially when you don't get to go visiting. So far, i've only visited 2 houses. Hmm. Oh well. nevermind. At least i got some rest during this holidays.
Now, it's time to start my engine and start chiong-ing for studies.

Oh. hahaha. and i'm down with F-L-U again.
Now, i was watching "stress out" on MobileTV on some bus the other time and they said that Flu is caused by virus so antibiotics are quite useless.
I think so too :P i was only well for... 2weeks. and now i'm down with flu again. haha.
Hmm. oh well, at least i've got this chance to lose some weight HAHA :P
nah. jk.

"Get Well soon, Kendra"
thanks :D

2007-02-19T16:54:00.000+08:00

yes. i'm pissed with you.
all of you.

i know that i'm blessed with people who're available to give advices. but. haven't they ever thought, why isit that only when i'm in a certain situation that they suddenly want to show care and concern? why isit that only when i say that i want to get bang-ed by a car that they come messaging me to tell me how "treasured" i am? why isit that only when i blog about sad stuff that they'd start becoming worried?

i know. it speaks for myself too.
we say that we care for that person but ONLY when they are in need. when they are happy and laughing and jumping up and down,we think that they're crazy.
we say that we want to listen to that person. but ONLY when they have problems to share... when they filled with excitement and joy and finding people to share that joy with, we get so caught up with our own feelings, thoughts and etc that we just pretend to listen and do not really know the details of what they're so happy about.
we say that we pray for that person. but ONLY when you know that they're about to leave God, about to lose themselves, when they ask you for help, that you cry out to God for help. Praying that they'd come back again. ever prayed for their joy? for their excitement? for their bubbly character? Give thanks for having them adding colours to your lives?

how nice are we as friends huh.
thanks friends. thanks.

hmm. now, shall i assume what you'd say?
"at least.... ... ..."
haha.

Happy Chinese New year!

2007-02-19T14:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!
how've your first 2 days of new year been? mine has been pretty... alright. not very boring, not eventful either...
Well, thanks to all those chinese new year goodies, i'm now falling sick again.
Went to see my great grandma yesterday at my granduncle's house. she's looks really ill and really thin now that it really saddens me. and today, we went to the old folk's home to see my grandma's brother... who's also my grand uncle...

After visiting those two elderlys, i just got reminded how blessed i am. how depressing chinese new year would be if they didn't have loved ones visiting them.
i'm glad that i had a chance to visit them :)

my mood has been going up and down nowadays... although it's supposed to be a happy occasion and i'm supposed to be happy that it's finally a holiday, i'm starting to hate public holidays. not only because shops are not opened, sometimes, being home with your parents aren't very joyous.

Let's not talk about it.
have fun people!

2007-02-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

i've finally finished buying what i want to buy for Chinese New Year! Cheers! hahaha
and my mom's really generous this year. she bought 4 tops and 3 bottoms in total for me this new year... "cause some clothes can't be bought next time when you want it" haha. wow. suddenly so understanding. oh well. she herself bought many many MANY clothes too... :P

Hmm. let's see. my cousins are already here for Reunion dinner. this years seems to be.. weird. it's probably because one of my cousins have gone to Australia to study early in this year and she's not here this year for chinese new year and... it just seems quieter.
besides, my great grandmother seems to be really ill that she isn't here this year for new year and we've got to go to our granduncle's place to see her... ... .. :/
I guess this year's new year would be a quieter one *shrugs*

2007-02-17T17:23:00.000+08:00

疯狂世界- 五月天

如果说了后悔是不是一切就能倒退
回忆多么美活着多么狼狈
为什么这个世界总要叫人尝伤悲
我不能了解也不想了解
我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂世界
那么多苦那么多累
那么多莫名的泪水
我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂的世界
如果是你发现了我
也别将我挽回

想了你一整夜再也想不起你的脸
你是一种感觉写在夏夜晚风里面
青春是挽不回的水转眼消失在指间
用力的浪费再用力的后悔
我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂世界
那么多苦那么多累
那么多莫名的泪水
我好想好想飞
逃离这个疯狂的世界
如果是你发现了我
也别将我挽回

random rant

2007-02-16T14:24:00.000+08:00

You had the feeling that everybody was out to get you out of your "happy" state and pull you right down to your "depressed" state? You struggle. You push away those hands. you struggle and try to get away.
after being tortured for so long, you've decided to let go. you've decided to keep calm. you decided to let them continue pulling you down. you started to feel numb to the feeling once called pain. you let them continue pull you down. they slit you, they punch you, they kick you, they torture you.
they're finally happy with the state you're in, they let you go. you stood, wanting to go back to the "happy" stae. somehow, the way back to the "happy" state seems so long... you start to panic. After panicking for so long, you've decided to relax. started to ignore.
you found a mask on the floor. you pick it up. you put it on.
It was the mask of you in the "happy" state.

they come back once again, seeming like they want to help you.
they sense something about you and tries to pull you back to "happy" state. you walk willingly with them, happy that somebody's guiding you back.

However,
the cuts are still there. the depression never fades.
you're never you again. you found out that you don't enjoy being there already.

she puts on her track shoes. she starts to run. she gets bang. she dies.

2007-02-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to get emo... again. i know. i'm sorry.
urgh.
"what's wrong with you, Kendra?"
"You have issues!"
right.
it's one of those days that i felt so high yet low that i couldn't laugh or cry honestly.
I need to scream it out
Scream it out
SCREAM IT OUT.

please. don't ask anymore. i don't want to tell you.
don't. just let me be myself. for once. please?

i want my sunshine. i want my sunflower.

HAPPY valentine's day?

2007-02-14T19:59:00.000+08:00

wishing and hoping and dreaming...

"Happy Valentine's Day!"
Today was filled with love.. chocolates and cookies and brownies and flowers and balloons around. wow wow wow.
Somehow, although i'm quite happy that i've received quite a few gifts, there was something ugly about this day. and after this day has "ended", the voice in my head shouted "I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY"
Oh well. what IS the importance of this day anyway? it's just like some friendship day haha.

Was super disappointed that there wasn't firedrill today. :/
We all hoped that there was.. since A Math test was the first period of the day and it was rumoured that fire drill will be first thing in the morning. Oh well. What a disappointment.
Well, all i know is that i'd fail pretty badly for A Math. :( maybe i should get some tuition or something.)

... It's only wednesday today. ARGH. i can't wait till friday!!! Goodness. why does it seem like time is crawling so slowly this week? :/

confused. bothered. tired. stressed. annoyed. agitated. what adjectives can i have?
~~suicidal?~~
~~the ugliness of life.~~ ...
i need a break.
put on my track shoes.

there she goes...

Wow

2007-02-13T17:16:00.000+08:00

it always seem like whenever i feel depressed or something, Blogger will somehow be disconnected and i wouldn't be able to blog about my feelings... :/

" then you can forget about the unhappy things" ... maybe.

Anyway, we've changed modules for PE today.
Umm, i'm not sure if i've said it before...
For PE this part of the year, we would be doing different modules of different games such as handball, netball, floor ball, volley ball and basketball and we are allowed to choose the prefered games that we want to play.
So, i have been in the Netball module for the past 4 weeks and now we're to switch modules and i ended up in the Basketball one. First lesson was pretty alright. Though tiring -_-
(must be the long walk yesterday from Marymount Road back home that resulted in the tiredness) and pretty rough.
I still prefer Netball. haha. At least we have restrictions about defending and stuff... oh well.

Hmm...it's valentine's day tomorrow and Tricia Wong bought a pink balloon today and didn't know what to do with it and she gave it to me for valentine's day. haha. THANKS TRICIA! and Grace said she wanted to give me something for valentine's day too.
Now, i feel guilty. i haven't even prepared gifts yet... ... ... :X

she'd continue laughing and smiling. life goes on.

2007-02-12T18:20:00.000+08:00

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

2007-02-10T20:29:00.000+08:00

i really want to worship You dear Lord.

stress. stress. more stress.
warning: Kendra is going to burst in a few minutes time due to stress. Please do not get too near her.

I hate being contradicting sometimes. I don't dislike being more matured now, but i hate being CONTRADICTING.
it's like, i want to complain about something, then i would think that it's actually not as bad as how i think it is. Sometimes i feel like just rant about stupid things but i would stop cause there seems to always be a good side to things.
GAH.
why is life so... complicated?

if there wasn't any grey zone between good and bad, yes and no (and not maybe) etc etc.
i'm so sick of life... but.. life is great!
HA. contradicting right?

grr. I should just go knock my head and die.

don't know how to appreciate?

2007-02-09T22:18:00.000+08:00

sometimes, people just do not know how to appreciate. and it really annoys me.
i mean, comparing a person who has done much worse than you, his/her attitude is much better. and people are just being concerned here HELLO.

It sucks to be the lowest among those whom you've always been comparing with. I KNOW. but can't you just... g;lasn;pvoihnv.
grr. i shan't comment.

i don't want to comment.
what's this post for. BLAH.

thanks for not putting that trust in me.
thanks. THANKS THANKS.

2007-02-09T18:42:00.000+08:00

"she stays alone in the corner observing the happenings.
she cries on her way back home.
she sits on the swing and starts wishing. that he was there.
she smiles and laughs as per normal. "

it's finally FRIDAY! YAY!
oh my goodness. thinking about the crazy start of the week...
all those stress that i felt. haha.

Well, it's great to know that the weekend's nearing!:D

I miss listening to 93.3fm. I missed listening to those chinese songs and laughing at the dj's jokes and getting updated about the happenings around. although most are like, pretty gossipy. oh well. i'd like to know EVERYTHING...

anyway, the olevel results are OuT!
goodness. i'm like so excited for nothing. hahaha. My teachers were telling us that we should go to the hall and see the reactions and tell ourselves whether if we want to be the one crying in the corner or the one jumping for joy... Uh, well, i didn't exactly see anybody crying at one corner. only one, who scored 9A1s calling her parents and seemed like she was going to cry. That's alright. she got 9A1s! -_-

oh well, i can't wait till my turn to do my o levels. i can't wait to leave secondary school. hahaha.
Ok... i know. i should treasure the time in secondary school... ...
Well, i'm not saying that i'm not going to! haha!

time for dinner! :D

i love my nerdy poohs!

2007-02-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

i love my nerdy poohs! :D

2007-02-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

my God is so BIG so STRONG and so MIGHTY there's NOTHING my God CANNOT DO!

this song has been ringing in my head since i woke up. i was somehow reminded by this simple children's song that God is in control of everything...
I've been feeling stressed these few days due to homework and stuff and i couldn't take it anymore yesterday.
I felt like i was about to burst. The pressure in Kendra the balloon is increasing and increasing and so much that i'm going to burst. somehow, i just couldnt take the pressure inside me. I had so many things to do at one go and i didn't know what to do. There were so many things in my mind that i couldn't process all of them properly.

hahaha. there was just this sense of desperateness of reliving all my pressure. i have cried, i have screamed, i have shopped, yet it wasn't relived yet. However, i decided to turn to God.
It wasn't an instant relief... but it was a different kind of relief. And it was then that i realised that i haven't exactly submitted the control of my life over to Him yet... (although i always prayed that i am "submitting")

It then leads to a point that i have been noticing...
There are many hypocritical Christians around. people who claim that they are christian who do things that are... un-christian-like.When we say that we're Christians, do we still go around telling lies, hurting others with words, cheating... etc. etc.?

...

Anyway, have read mabel's blog and it reminds me. Valentine's day is nearing! hahaha. and we've all got dates... ... ... WITH OUR TEXTBOOKS. so fun so fun. what a great date... okay la. at least i'd be studying with History not other subjects. hahaha.

Brain fried

2007-02-05T17:53:00.000+08:00

Having your brain fried 2 days in a row isn't a nice feeling.
My brain got fried after yesterday's meeting and the continuous of attempting maths question today from 0900hours till 1220hours. IT REALLY SUCKS. By the end of E Maths lesson today, my brain was blank. My head started to ache...

I was ranting about how black this Monday is... thanks to Maths. but somehow, i just got reminded about how many more things there are to be thankful for than to complain about. Well, at least the sun was out today, it wasn't raining when i was walking home, i could feel the breeze, i could THINK, i could have chapel service early in the morning on a Monday which is really a privillege that others might not have... etc etc. WHY SHOULD I BE COMPLAINING?

So, i still have to say, although there was alot of thinking needed (and i probably don't think as much during normal days therefore feeling tired easily), God is good! Monday isn't that bad afterall.

Went to walk around J8 to try to de stress though. haha. (since Kendra is such a easily stressed up girl). And i saw a U2 top that i really like.. hehehehe. I'm gonna get it tomorrow!!!

oh yes... during chapel today, i was trying to "rate" how the worship was on my own... haha. like how people do it "was the worship good today?"
however...while i was trying to, i just thought that it was useless.(waste brain cells) Praise and Worship sessions are not for us to rate and judge. Worship's for God anyway. haha.

haha. alright. that's it for 5th Feb.
I CANT WAIT TILL CHINESE NEW YEAR. hahahaha

good bye people! :D

you made me smile once again. :D

2007-02-04T22:08:00.000+08:00

just a random thought.
BEAR WITH ME.

i always wondered... what do people mean by "the worship was good today" "the sermon was good today". Good in what sense? Good to what extent?(man, that sounds like Mrs J Ng asking us during history -_-)
and... i don't really know if this is right or not,
are we in a position to judge how "good" the sermon or worship or whatever is?

2007-02-02T19:17:00.000+08:00

HAHA. i came across this pic while looking at my pictures folder.

it was drawn by the eldest child of the Soon family to wish me happy birthday last year. wahahahaha.

2007-02-02T18:29:00.000+08:00

i sound horrible.
hahaha. thanks to the throat infection and shouting during GEL period today.
Had to brief sec 2o'07 on Family night.
Goodness. THEY ROCK! I love their spirit and enthusiasm! woohoo! much better than my class last year :P... OH and they have VERY NICE teachers too.
Mrs Serena Chan as Form, MRS YUE as co-form. WAHAHAHAHA.
very good huh ;P

pardon me but i'm starting to have doubts.
i'm starting to fear.
i'm starting to lose all the ********.
but... i'd persevere. i wouldn't let it go that easily.

Last day of the month

2007-01-31T15:53:00.000+08:00

my second post in the day within a few minutes.
Hmm. was kind of "inspired" by Mrs Ang to jot down feelings about the last day of January. hahaha. how random.

Last day of January... It feels like i've been through 2 or 3 months already.
Thinking about it, so much has happened and 2007 started so eventful-y. haha. Some of you may not know what has happened, but i don't wish to type it out here hahahahaha. So you can just go on guessing :P

anyway, 31st of January.
I remembered from the 1st of January. The time when we did a small countdown in the Sanctuary during Prayer Meeting. although there wasn't champagne, there wasn't fireworks, there wasn't foam... there was still the joy of a new year, a new beginning. Haha. Hugging friends and shaking hands felt great.
And right after that, things started tumbling down. Things happened one after another, some things really changed all of a sudden, some remained.

It's only a month, for goodness sick.

May You be my strength, dear Lord

2007-01-31T15:50:00.001+08:00

Alright. I think i'm the weakest loser ever. haha.
I didn't go to school twice in two weeks.
I didn't go to school yesterday cause i was down with flu. at first it was just sore throat and headache... Then i slept... and slept... and SLEPT for the whole day. Was supposed to go see the doctor in the morning but i was too lazy to. hahaa. so i continued on SLEEPING and watching tv (since there wasn't homework to do). I measured my body temperature once before i went down to the doctor... actually, it was hours before i went down, but ANYWAY, it was 37.3 degrees. i thought i was fine... then, wheni went down to Dr. Tan, he measured... "you've got a fever you know..."

"Kendra, you're down with f-l-u and throat infection"
ah. i see. so interesting. So yea. i've got an mc for yesterday and today. but i chose to go to school cause i couldn't afford to miss lessons. how dumb of me to think of that when i've spent the 1st 3 periods in the sickbay sleeping -_-"
I should might as well have rested at home haha. My body's aching again... my head is starting to ache alittle... and i've got to do quite a few A Maths sums and prepare for tomorrow's History test. lalala.

oh. haha. i woke up at 3.15 today and i'm not feeling tired at all. i must be crazy. i woke up to find that my body was aching and i was starting to cough. how great. As i wasn't coughing yesterday, Dr Tan didn't give me any medicine for cough and phlegm.. hmm.. and i now sound horrible. :/

oh.. and chinese new year is really FLYING TOWARDS US. goodness, everybody seems to be busy with spring cleaning and buying of clothes and buying chinese new year goodies and eating them and i'm here down with a flu. -_- as it's so near already and i haven't bought any new year clothes yet, my mom is trying to squeeze some time into our schedule to go grab some clothes tomorrow.haha. i can't wait.

oh crappiness. blogger isn't connected again. GAHH.

alright.
i don't really know if this post is making any sense... my brain isn't working well today...
haha.

why do you believe?

2007-01-29T15:11:00.000+08:00

something really struck me during sunday school yesterday.
Why do i believe in God? why do i choose to go to church, go to sunday school, go for youth service?
why?
as a child, i was brought by my parents to church so i never really thought about it. it somehow has evolved into a routine... going to church on sundays. And because of that reason, i never really wanted to ask myself why i went to church.
I always had those questions... why why why? Yet i never wanted to go search for the reason. i never wanted answers to those questions. Sometimes i'm so afraid that the answer is "because my parents believe, i believe" or "because my parents told me to go, so i go" and etc.

However, this time, i'd start searching. i'd continue searching for the answers.

What about you? why do you believe?

rants

2007-01-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry. please pardon this post. i need to rant quite abit before volcano kendra erupts.

you stupid blah! there's so much to life! why are you making your life so miserable? do you know that you're making the one you "love" miserable too? can't you see that she's so different from last time? stop zi4 bei1-ing for goodness sick when you don't even want to change. goodness. GROW UP

and you! traitor. i can't believe that you're the way you are now. i thought you were different. thanks for adding COLOURS to my life

and YOU. YES YOU.
i don't really know what to say to you. but sometimes, it's really so intimidating to talk to you. yeah. talking to you changed me. it gave me alittle more courage to speak. but... it's still so hard. i always feel so stupid when i talk to you. GAH.

and to BLAH yes. i've changed. everybody's changed. nobody's the same.
i can't remain as high as i am last time. I can't remain as that kendra 2 years ago. PEOPLE DO CHANGE. stop expecting so much from me. i hate putting on that mask that i've to put each and every day i see you.
"are you okay?"
"i'm just being concerned"
yes. i know that i'm blessed to have people being concerned with me but sometimes... "are you okay?" wouldn't make me speak out my own mind. so STOP BUGGING ME.

and to YOU YOU YOU.
thanks for changing my life. those hurting words on your blog is enough. that mask that you put on to make me feel better doesn't help at all. you've made me lose my trust in everybody. you said that it sucks that the closest people around you betray you.
think about it again. you've betrayed somebody who once labelled you as a "close" somebody. go on. go and hurt yourself somemore. GO! BYE!

yes. and for you who's reading.
don't ask me who i'm aiming. don't ask me what happened. don't ask me anything
i'm fine after ranting already.
Good night world.

2007-01-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

Go on asking... go on guessing. for all i care.
"i'm just concerned"
thanks for being concerned.
whatever.